TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use
specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

What are the most important factors of a best teacher? Different people will have different respondes depending on their own characteristics or educational backgrounds... However, I strongly believe that those are penetration of leaner and outstandingly devotion. For these reasons, I assert that our parents are the best teachers, not anyone else such as our friends, our schoolteachers...

Since we were born, our parents are those who have taught us how to walk, how to speak, what are good manners and bad manners... They are also those who have witnessed our every step in our development, from our gesture, our behavior, our language... In other words, our first awareness of life is influenced the most by our parents; our change in both physical and mental development is all observed by our parents. Therefore, there is no doubt about that only parents can understand their children thoroughly. And once they did, they know how you feel, what you need and what teaching is best for you.

Besides, people who are always devoted to us and want to bring all best to us is no one but our parents. Those spring from blood relationship. This makes parents love and care about their children the most. This makes they feel responsible to their children life? I know exactly these because of my parents, as an example, they always worry about me when I'm tired a bit, when I study badly, I'm sad, I'm angry and all of my feeling. After that, they always give me deep-felt and full-experienced advices which left me feeling of strong, safeness, confidence... I have learned many highly valuable lessons from those advices.

For brief, lacking insight of you, teachers can not find the best solution for teaching you; lacking devotion, they do not have motivation to find that best and to teach wholeheartedly. Accordingly, our parents, who have both of those are only ones can really teach us best.

Thank you for correting me.
-How many marks would I get if this essay was on real TOEFL Test?
-On this essay, I was confused of using tenses in some cases. If you find any mistake of using tenses, please give me advice on why I have to correct it like you do.

I agree with parents are the best teachers in general. Unless, you have parents that are not good examples. Maybe you could do the pros and cons of a good/bad parent teacher. You have given excellent reason why parents are the best . Good luck.

I love the idea that you are presenting. Sometimes, teachers don't have enough of an individual interest nor as strong a personal connection to the success of a child as does the parent.

One thing I noticed was the use of the word "penetration." I assume you mean how a teacher has the power to plant seeds of thought into the mind and heart of a student...? If so, I would reword it to reflect that thought. Perhaps "influence," "effectiveness," "having a strong impact," etc.

"What are the most important factors of a good teacher? Different people will have different responses depending on their own characteristics or educational backgrounds. I strongly believe that the most important factors are [something other than "penetration" ] and outstanding devotion to the learner . For these reasons, I assert that our parents are the best teachers."

I suggest including more of your own experience with specific anecdotes or situations. That way, you will have more of a stake in what your story is. :)

Hope this helps!

Hey, I see that Ned said all the things I was going to say! Alright, well, here is my best help:

What are the most important factors determining the quality of a teacher?

And once they do , they know how you feel, what you need and what teaching is best for you.

For brief, lacking insight about you, teachers cannot always find the best solution for teaching you; lacking also the devotion that can be expected from parents , they do not have motivation to find that best methods and to teach wholeheartedly. Accordingly, our parents, who have both of those are original teachers , can really teach us best.

I don't know if I agree. When kids go to learn from a person outside the family, they have fewer preconceived ideas, take on a formal attitude, and generally prepare themselves for a learning experience. When parents try to teach, it may be hard for the kid to shift into a new state of mind.

You might also want to define more clearly what you understand by the term "best." If you mean "most effective," then you have a good point. No one can teach a boy that the best way to deal with women is by beating them as well as a father who abuses his wife. However, is there perhaps more to being a good teacher, much less the "best," than mere effectiveness. Does the validity and truth of what is being taught matter? If so, then the father in my example might be considered somewhat less than ideal. Just a thought.

is ok to start with a question? i want it to do that too, but i was thinking is wrong...

It is okay if you ask a very meaningful, intelligent question that pertains to the thesis.

You might want to "exhort" parents to spend more one-on-one time with their children. That is one way to leave your readers thinking about the point of your essay. Point out that children need parental attention for a basis in life upon which to create their own personalities and culture. Without parents, children have to create their personalities based on their peers' expectations, which often goes awry! Anyway, hope that helps.