(IELTS Task 2) Some people choose to eat no meat or fish...

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole.

Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

avoiding meat or fish in everyday menu

To choose what type of food we prefer to feed ourselves, there are some considerations to take into account: the sustainability of the production mechanism and how healthy it is to eat different types of foods. For example, there are some people that believe that eating meat and fish is unhealthy, and it could damage our environment. In my case, I think that animal products, especially meat and fish, are very important to the nutrition of our bodies. In some cases, producing - for example - vegetal products could be more harmful to the world. In this essay, we are going to discuss the first statement, and my point of view about this interesting topic.

In terms of the nutritional contribution, consuming meat and fish gives us nutritional components like proteins, which are very important to keep our bodies working. Proteins help us to be stronger, and are very important to the growth of children. Although, proteins could be obtained from different sources, animal food is the most important origin of these components. For that reason, removing meat and fish from our diet could be harmful to our body, if we do not replace these with other protein sources.

To discuss about how good the production of meat and fish is for our environment, we need to know an important fact: producing different kinds of food needs natural resources which are scarce. In that way, people that believe that the production of animal products have negative consequences on the sustainability of the world, are not totally right. compared to the production of vegetable products, animal products could be more efficient in terms of resources used, like water. For example, production of hydroponic vegetables use a lot of water, so if we just eat vegetable food, it does not ensure that the earth will be better. To avoid negative effect of the production of animal food, we have to encourage the sustainable production of meat and fish.

In conclusion, people that choose not to eat meat and fish could provoque negative effects on the health and it does not guarantee a positive effect on the sustainability of our environment. Having a balanced diet is going to be the healthy way to live, and stimulating the sustainable production of animal food will be a good way to maintain the equilibrium of our world.

I find your introduction longer than the body paragraphs.
My advice is that you should place the phrase "For example,..." from the introductory paragraph to one of the two body paragraphs to lengthen the latter.

Matias, in the opening statement, you are expected to simply restate the prompt for discussion, the side of the issue presented in the prompt, and an indication of your personal opinion. You are not allowed to openly discuss information in this paragraph, more so information that is not found in the original prompt requirement. Your opening statement, due to the problem with the presentation has ensured that this essay will not get a satisfactory score from the reviewer. The opening statement is the most important part of any English test so you have to get the paraphrased requirements right. This part of the essay accounts for at least half of your essay score so if you cannot do well in the other portions, at least get the opening statement right in order to give your essay an increased chance at a decent score.

Your body paragraphs also contain lengthy sentences that should have been cut short in order to present them as sentences. You have run-on sentences composing the essay because you chose to use a comma instead of a period to separate your thoughts. This makes the paragraphs difficult to read and understand for the examiner. Sadly, these serious grammar accuracy problems will further reduce the points that you could have received for that section of the essay.

My final observation is that you do not have an accurate concluding paragraph in this essay. What you have is an additional paragraph that represents additional information. When you write a concluding paragraph, make sure that you accurately sum up the discussion previously presented. That is all that the concluding paragraph should do. No additional information required. Remember, you have a 5 paragraph maximum requirement for the essay. Work on your presentation skills as well in order to further improve your scores in all 4 scoring considerations.