Many people hold the view that music can strengthen the bond between different people

IELTS Writing Task 2 - Topic: Music

Question: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people hold the view that music can strengthen the bond between people who differ in cultural backgrounds and age groups. From my perspective, I disagree with this opinion because different tastes in music and culture-related lyrics are the factors which cannot help to foster relationships.

First of all, favorite music genres of different generations can widen the gap between the young and the elderly. While youngsters have a common tendency to enjoy listening to pop or rock songs, the elderly seem to prefer classical and folk music. As a result, older people are not likely to participate in teenagers' discussions about the latest and trendy songs. Based on the interview carried out by BBC News, many adolescents would encounter difficulties in starting a conversation with the elderly when it comes to music.

What is more, cultures represented in the lyrics are not always appropriate for people around the world to make a connection with each other. There might be some cultural conflicts when a song unintentionally includes something which seems to compromise the other cultures. Since music is often an expression of cultures, people of indigenous cultures hardly connect with those of foreign cultures. For instance, the Western and Eastern cultures have different religious beliefs, so the religious content of a Western song may be unsuitable for Eastern people to listen to.

In conclusion, music is not a significant factor in improving relationships of people who have a disparity in cultures and age groups due to a variety of preferred types of music and the content of songs.

No way this essay will get a 7. By the way, since students are not allowed to score other students essays, @thuhanguyen9599 is about to get himself suspended from this forum. Again, student scoring of essays is a direct violation of forum rules and results in immediate account suspension for the erring student.

This is an extent essay. So you cannot simply disagree with the given statement. Rather you have to show the extent of your disagreement by indicating it in a clear manner. While the proper extent essay normally goes by "I strongly oppose, I strongly support, I vehemently oppose" among other emotional extent responses, you can also indicate a more advanced method of agreement or disagreement, without using the incorrect phrase "I partially" because there is no partial option in this essay. You still have to pick one side to focus your discussion on in the presentation. For this prompt, you could have indicated:

I disagree with this opinion to the extent that it has a direct relationship with...

Once you have clearly indicated the point at which your opposition starts and ends, you can then, use the next 2 reasoning paragraphs to help support your claims. Now, within the reasoning paragraphs, you will need to provide emotional descriptive terms to help further indicate the strength / extent of your opposition to the given discussion. Words such as "The strength of this discussion relies on" or "the weakest supporting argument for this opinion is... which is why the argument that... is further given a solid credence."

Your essay is to be based on personal opinion and knowledge, avoid referring to any sources in the essay. You can just directly state it in your own understanding. You will lose points for pretending to refer to other sources. You can indicate made up information, just don't say it came from a source because that requires information citation, as in an academic paper. This is just an opinion paper based on personal knowledge and public opinion.

Your first reasoning paragraph is inconsistent in presentation. That is why it lacks proper development. You are jumping from kids to adults and vice versa, causing the paragraph to lack focus and clarity in the presentation.

Your second reasoning paragraph is better, but could use more explanation development at the end. The concluding reverse paraphrase is not properly presented. It should be 3-5 sentences composed of a prompt restatement, your reasoning topics, and a repetition of your extent response. There are also several errors in spelling along with cohesiveness and coherence problems that, when all combined will definitely not allow this essay to reach a 7 band score.