IELTS Task 1: The percentage of issues which people have when they stay in a new country

akbarmappiare 31 / 445

Nov 10, 2015 #1

The percentage of issues which people have when they stay in a new country is presented in the bar chart. The population in the chart is categorized into three groups follow as: people aged 18-34 years, 35-54 years, and over 55 years. It is noticeable that the issue of learning the language was the most problematic for people aged over 55 years.

The issue of forming fellowship was the greatest percentage (46 percent) for young people aged 18-34. After that, 36% witnessed the percentage of making friendship for group of 35-to 54-years-old. However, for people aged over 55 years, that issue was only 23%.

Speaking the local language was the most problematic which reached to 44 percent of the oldest age group. Afterwards, this problem did not need full attention which still stood at 29% for the youngest age cluster. The cluster of people aged 35-54 years followed at approximately 35% in the same issue.

On the other hand, only 22 percent of the oldest age cluster has difficulty to finding accommodation. In contrast, finding facilities to live was the highest problem (around 40%) for the youngest age cluster. The cluster of 35-to 54-years-old was almost the same percentage with young people aged 18-34 years.

The bar chart

shintacandrade 10 / 66

Nov 12, 2015 #2

The percentage of issues which people have when they stay in a new country is presented in the bar chart. Better you put a concluding phrase here to notify the reader that you are starting to show an overview. Use some phrases like Overall, Clearly, It is noticeable that, ...The population in the chart is categorized into three groups follow as: people aged 18-34 years, 35-54 years, and over 55 years. It is also noticeable that the issue of learning the language was the most problematic difficulty for people aged over 55 years.

Here are my suggestions:
1. Tense: use present simple since the graph has no date.
2. Terms in the graph: do not change the terms that are already provided in the graph. For example, you use the term 'forming fellowship' for the term 'making friends'. The thing is that it changes the tone or impression of the report, and the more dangerous one is when the meaning changes. So, I recommend you to keep the original terms as written in the graph.

Hope this helps ~ Shinta

Pramudita 14 / 11

Nov 12, 2015 #3

Let me try to give some suggestion..

1. Use present simple as there is no date.
2. Avoid listing the data.
3. Avoid repetition of words, you should use different words in each paragraph. For example, the groups of people based on age, you can use aging people, young people, people in the middle group, or "people in the aged group 18 to 34", people 18-34 years age group"