The pipe chart give information about electricity energy

The way the electricity energy is utilized

The pipe chart give information about how different electricity energy utilized in two countries in the years 1980 and 2000.

To summary,it is interesting to note that the total production was almost increase twofold from 1980 to 2000. As can be seen from the chart, at the beginning of the period coal made the lowest contribution in Australia , maintaining first place in 2000.In contrast,it is noticeable that the nuclear power do not play a critical role in 1980, but it was the most significant if the electricity energy in France in the year of 2000.

In Australia,the production of coal was 50 units in 1980 and had a drastic growth of 80 units in 2000.On the contrast , at the beginning to the period ,natural gas and oil up 20 units and 10 units respectively,and these charts decline to both 2 unit in 2000.

It is clear from the charts that natural gas increased from 15 units to 126 over the 20 year period in France .In 1980, the natural gas and hydro power were 25 units and 5 units respectively and decreased by 13 units and 3 units after the 20 year period.

Overall, you should work on your grammar and your choice of words as your essay is stiff and kind of puzzling.
your introduction should be paraphrased, in that way you will have a better chance of scoring high.
Your overview should be brief, and should only contain IMPORTANT INFORMATION such as trends, largest figures, etc.
A few things you should notice:
"twofold" only goes before a noun, "double' should be the word in this case
'On the contrast' seems wrong- it should be "by contrast' or "on the contrary"
'drastic' is for something negative and should not be used with "growth"- you can use other adjectives such as sharp, significant, considerable,etc.
Therefore:
1. Focus more on perfecting your grammar
2. It is good to learn from other writers but you must learn how to use the phrases and structures properly
3. a variety of word forms and sentences( especially comparisons) must be included in your essay

You forgot to upload the image for this presentation. I cannot accurately review your work without the image. Let me give you a standard grammar review instead. Please remember to upload the image next time.

You are too reliant on Oxford commas for your presentation. You should be relying on periods instead. The Oxford comma creates a difficult to understand presentation. Learn how to format your thought into single sentences. That will help keep the paragraph clear and allow you to create connected sentences. Remember the basic criteria for each paragraph. It has to be composed of 3-5 sentences. Without it, you will have very low GRA scores.

The rest of the problems with your essay have to do with word usage. You show a beginners level of English language usage. You do not know when and how to use certain English words yet. Those errors are what pulled down your score severely for this presentation. It would be better if you do English sentence structure exercises before you continue with your practice essays. You need to learn to control your word formation so that you can score higher in the LR and GRA section.