Ielts: The population growth! each period of time had different leaders

This column graph illustrates the information about different population growth rates in some of the world's super cities. Between 1975 and the year 2000/ some of the cities are shown to experience changes in population, but within individual cities and in comparison with other cities. The indications are shown in millions.

First and foremost, this graph rose gradually from 1975 to 2000 and it had only upward trends.
One must note that Mexico City by 2000 was the most crowded city and the highest indication belonged to it (24 million), whereas the last index in 2000 belonged to Aires (14 million).

To begin with, in 1975 Tokyo and New York cities had unmatched numbers of population, but they stayed stable till 2000 and the index increased insignificantly. The same cannot be observed with Sao Paulo, because it had not so significant number of population in 1975, but by 2ooo it arrived at its climax (21 million).

In 1990, Mexico City, Tokyo, Sao Paulo had almost the same indications (about 19 million) and these cities dominated in this period. But by 2000, the distinctions among the populations of these cities increased.

By way of conclusion, the numbers of population in these cities were various in every period and almost each period had different leaders.
(213 words)

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You need to follow a more appropriate structure for this task which is aimed at testing your report writing skills.

The column chart compares population growth rates in twelve cities over a 25-year period.


This could be separated to form an overview paragraph. Also, the bold part is quite confusing.


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If you use "First and foremost", "To begin with" seems to be redundant.


There was a significant increase in the population of all cities from 1975 to 2000.
I feel that your ideas are quite disorganized. You should follow Pahan's suggestion on the structure of this task and reorganize your ideas.

First and foremost, Overall, this graph the numbers of world agglomerations have rose risen gradually from 1975 to 2000 and it had only maintaining a continuous upward trends. trend.

Avoid phrases like "First and foremost" - they sound too personal and since this task is to assess your report writing capabilities, you need to adopt a more formal tone for this essay. Such phrases are more appropriate for IELTS TASK 2 essays.

Hi, Abdurasul
I wanna suggest you in a simple thing.
To me, better you separate each paragraph. It is help to build good impression to the reader. Imagine in the examination situation, build good impression for examiner might important.