Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 5


a pretty short story, Return of satan



newsha31 19 / 73  
Jun 3, 2009   #1
this is my little story for my creative writing class final portfolio. btw, the idea of the story is not originally mine. :)

Return of Satan

After centuries and years, one night finally God decided to send someone to Earth to seek Satan. Michael, who was the biggest apple-polisher of the whole throne worried, and excused that Satan's damned forever and he shall never deserve to step back to heavens. God, who well knew Michael, demanded to Samael to do so. Before Samael leaves he went to Michael, "Where shall I seek Satan on Earth?" he asked. "I have never been on Earth!" Michael smiled pleasantly and replied, "just look for the most devious creature, you'll find him soon."

And so Samael headed to the Earth for the first time.

"Earth is a strange place..." Samael thought, as he saw a little girl pushing a coin in a gap to get a ride from a metal horse, and as he saw people living in boundaries and limitations called "countries" and he was more amazed as he saw their pride for it. His heart trembled as he saw churches, mosques, monasteries...where they had cut God in pieces and each had taken a piece. Wherever he sought Satan, he found nothing but people, places and lives that were far worse than the stories he had ever heard of Satan...

After weeks, tired and angry, Samael stopped his search; he preferred to spend his whole life in hell rather than Earth. He remembered the old times, when Satan was the best angle of the whole throne, closest friend of Michael and the most beautiful creature of God... He remembered how once Satan was the quiet, shy angel that everyone loved, and so for a moment Samael decided to instead of looking for the most devious of all, he'd look for the purest...and he found Satan sooner than he thought. With a little bit of excitement and fear he walked to him, but Satan was hiding behind curtains, and so Samael could only tell him the God's message that "you shall be forgiven, but you should come back and do as I say."

Satan lightened his handmade cigarette and smiled, "so he still remembers me." he sighed. Samael didn't hear, or he just pretended so and flew back to heavens to report his journey to God. Michael who was impatiently waiting for him, stopped him and retold the story for God himself that, "Satan is still the same "asshole" that he was and he haven't shown any sign of grief. If you let me God, I'll go and wipe him off of any map in all worlds that it's only a little of what he deserves." But before God speaks, someone blew in a horn and called, "Satan! Satan!"

Everyone froze and all gazes fixed on the door... Satan walked in slowly, all dressed in pearl white, and with his silky black hair hiding half of his face. Michael spitted on the floor with disgust and Samael shivered slightly by Satan's unchanged beauty. Satan kept walking. He passed Michael and Samael as they didn't exist, and finally he stopped, sighed and bowed to God.

"Look up. What is it with you that first you leave me and then now, you're ashamed to look up? Look up that I want to see your face. I created you the most beautiful, but as I've seen you in pictures lately, you're quite different."

"I have not changed," Satan looked up and removed the hair from his face and it shone. He opened his tired eyes, "I have not changed, but the pen is in enemy's hands and he shows me as he wishes. My eyes are red and tired, and that because of my nightly tears..."

Michael cried, "You never knew nothing but bootlicking...you- "

Satan neglected him and went on, "the tears that first because being apart from you, but then they became because of Men becoming more and more apart from you. When you asked me to bow to him, you said he was a part of you. You said he was the best of all your creatures...what happened God? What was wrong with you? Have you ever looked around yourself? Have you ever asked yourself why these angels do whatever you say without thinking? This Michael," he stopped, turned and pointed Michael, "he, who knew himself as the representative of all angels came to me and-"

"Shut your mouth you loathsome ..." Michael shouted as he walked furiously to Satan.

"How dare you Michael?"God cried. Michael backed off and stood aside, but his eyes were full of unsaid words that each of them could kill a soul.

"Continue..." God said.

"Michael came to me and asked me to tell you what others couldn't...and so I did. I said we don't want to bow to man and you threw me out of heavens, but you never realize those who remained closest to you were true enemies of your beloved men."

"Michael was right! You're nothing more than a liar. You deserve not my mercy...what you deserve is death! Everyone get out of here but Satan!" God demanded. Michael grinned at the devil and walked out happily. When the room was empty, God walked down the stairs. Satan closed his eyes and waited for the wrath to fall upon him... but as soon as God's shadow fell on him, he felt something familiar. He was in his arms. God whispered in his ear, "my dear Satan, long ago I found out about the ... of seven skies against man, but what could I do? It was just me and me. My only hope was you, and when you said you weren't going to obey me anymore I was lonelier that ever. I didn't know what to do with man, I couldn't leave him in the skies with all these jealous angels...so I made an excuse and sent him to Earth, until they get ready enough to get back to skies... my only worry is that they couldn't tolerate it...Either die because of their mistakes or kill each other in hatred."

Satan looked at God's face and read all these years' pressure and sadness in his eyes.

God hugged him tighter, "now there's one think I want from you my friend...Go back to Earth while I tell everyone you're dead, and guide my humans back to me. You are the only one who knows the truth... go and lead the way for them."

And so Satan went down back to Earth again...

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 3, 2009   #2
Hi Newsha31,

he preferred to spend his whole life in hell rather than Earth.

That (above) has powerful implications! SO, you did not come up with the ides for this, but you wrote this great story? How did you come up with the names? I like the way you think.

...that he was, and that he hasn 't shown any sign of remorse .

Or... any sign of having reformed.

This story has profound implications. I think it will be a big success in whatever class this involves. You should keep revising this over the years as your personal philosophy continues to change. Maybe it'll end up as a screenplay. I want to play God!!

Good luck with this; you're great!
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jun 3, 2009   #3
Wow, this is a very interesting spin on the story of God, Satan, and Michael. Where did you get the idea? Which aspects of the plot are your own invention? If you've stuck closely to the plot of the work by another writer, you probably should give that writer credit by writing "Inspired by..." or "After... " (giving title and author) just after the title of your own piece.
OP newsha31 19 / 73  
Jun 3, 2009   #4
Thank you so much. One of my friends has a weblog and he wrote this story, i just translated it and changed it a little bit. of course he know i did this. :)

but to be honest with you, his original story, is way better than this. i wish you guys could read it. there are more angels and characters. its even sometimes funny.

but still, thakns a lot for your help.
:)
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jun 3, 2009   #5
Some minor fixes for you:

"and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to step back into heavens "

"Satan lit his handmade cigarette and smiled"

"But before God could speak , someone blew in a horn and called"


Home / Writing Feedback / a pretty short story, Return of satan
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳