(Writing Task 1) The proportion of smokers in males and females

The proportion of smokers in british society

The table gives information about the proportion of males and females who smoked in Britain during the period 1970 to 2000.

It is clear that the proportion of smokers in males was higher than in females in Britain. From 1970 to 2000, the figures increased significantly. However, the proportion of males who smoked underwent more considerable growth.

The percentage of smokers in males was 10% in 1970 in Britain. After that, the figure rose dramatically and reached the highest point of 37% in 1985. Following that, this proportion fell gradually, which declined by 9% from 37% to 28% between 1985 and 2000.

The proportion of males who smoke was smallest in 1970, at 5%. Over the period of 20 years, the percentage grew substantially and reach a peak at 37% in 1990 and then overtook the figure for females. Finally, males saw a decrease in the proportion of smokers by 10% (from 37% to 27%) from 1990 to 2000, which was similar to the percentage of males.

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There is an inconsistency in the summary overview. The image depicts the measurements in percentage form based on half decade measurements. These information should be made clear in the summary overview prior to the collective time coverage reference.

Sentence stucturing is a problem in the trending paragraph. It is difficult to make sense out of the current format. If written as:

From 1970 to 2000, the figures increased significantly for the proportion of male smokers. This was indicative of the proportion of smokers in males being higher than in females in Britain.

the sentence would have been more coherent and concise in presentation, thus making it a higher scoring trend, which could have been merged with the summary for maximum TA impact.

Why is the focus always only on the male smokers? The female measurements should be properly discussed and represented as well. It is possible that the writer, who did not bother to proof read his work, also referred to the females as males in the next paragraph. A wrong interpretation that will result in a failing score for this essay since the analysis is faulty and will affect the validity of the C+C explanations.