As the proverb goes "Union is strength", we owe to co-operating for our existence.

Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think they should be taught to co-operate so they could become more useful adults. Give your opinion

Competing or co-operating?

With the advancement of the technology, everything, as well as our way of lives, has changed. In retrospect, we can see our ancestry co-operated for surviving, whilst the people are prone to reveal to be successful as there is no apparent danger for people's life. Whether children should be taught to compete or co-operate is a heated topic and people take different attitudes. As far as I am concerned, I believe that living in a competitive environment has benefits neither to individuals nor to the society at large.

As the proverb goes "Union is strength", we owe to co-operating for our existence. İf our ancestries opted for rivalling rather than working together, probably, the human beings would not be alive today. There is no doubt that we can achieve good results as individuals, but the perfectness requires working in a team. As a result, we often see successful people associate their achievements with team-work.

Secondly, in a competitive environment, people are likely to see each other as enemies, while they have a tendency to make friends in a team work. That is why parents should teach their offspring how to be helpful to each other for warranting their happiness. Because, maybe they can be prosperous, but contentment really needs friends.

On the other hand, there are some who strongly states that the people around them just can bring drawbacks. As for them, life is based on competition, and to be the first person does not need any friends, even be able to leave everybody behind. More disturbingly, they teach their standpoints to their children for ensuring their success. These kinds of children do everything for their benefits, and some divine values such as friendship, help other people does not exist for them in later life.

By way of conclusion, I reaffirm my position that parents should their children how to work together, as advantages of co-operating definitely overshadow that of rivalling.

Adam, the overall score for your essay will only fall in the band score of 4 at the most. At least that is my opinion. The reason that I believe you cannot score higher than that is because, while your task accuracy is acceptable, the method of your discussion causes confusion and stress for the reader. While you do present some good points for discussion your written work, the faulty construction of your sentences, limited lexical resource, and grammar problems totally dragged down the potential of your essay to become a well written and coherently developed essay with a cohesive presentation. I am guessing that this is your first attempt at writing a Task 2 essay right? Therefore, I am confident that, with the proper guidance and encouragement, you will be able to show improvement in your written work with your future essays. Just keep writing, don't stop or lose heart. You will get better at this. We will help you do that.

Adam, you should shorten your introduction, condense it into 2 sentences. For the body, it's better to add more points or explanations
In my opinion, you should use " In conclusion" instead of "By way of conclusion"
english.stackexchange.c../questions/168882/what-is-the-difference-between-in-conclusion-and-by-way-of-conclusion
I hope it helps

Hai adam.

The main point of the question is about children. Yet, your idea in the first and second paragraph is too general. You responds to the task only in a

minimal way and your format is inappropriate. You even only explain about children in small portion in the 3rd paragraph. You should directly explain about which methods are better to make children become more useful adult in the future instead of wasting your space to talk about general thing in your first and second paragraph.

Thankyou, I hope it useful for you!