Thank anyone of you who helped me before. And I am keeping practicing. Hope someday my writing skills will be as good as yours!
Recently, food safety is gradually becoming one of the main social issues in many countries. In that context, government agencies and medical activists start to give serious attention to public health. On the one hand, some people argue that government should introduce rigorous laws into food industry. On the other hand, others prefer to make their own decisions about what to eat. From my perspective, I am convinced that people have rights to choose what food they want to eat, but government provide guidance that can help them know how to choose healthy food and keep fit as well.
To begin with, in the modern society, people living in a stressful life can be highly susceptible to many diseases both mentally and physically. However, if our government don't take prompt measures to supervise the food industry, it, driven by interests of shareholder and manager, will make an egregious conduct which will results in uncountable loss to the society such as the formula milk that indirectly make several babies died in China. Consequently, if people believe the self-regulate ability of food industry and the supervision of government agencies is unnecessary, we will be too naive and gullible.
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It would be helpful to know exactly what the topic of your essay is. The problem is, according to title of the thread the subject of the essay is public health, that certainly includes but cannot be limited to healthy food. However, issue of healty food is the only one the essay covers.
but governmentshould provide them with guidance on that can help them know how to choose healthy food and keep fit as well .
people have rights to
people have
rightpeople living in a stressful life
I believe it is better to say
people having a stressful lifeHowever, if our government don't
This sentence is so long. Maybe you can split it into two. For example the last part about milk, can easily form one separate sentence. Moreover you can write more about this incident, that will be a great example.
believe the
believe in
good for their body
maybe
organism instead of
body will be better
government agencies
governmental agencies
what the role government
You do not need
what here
Though you have some sentences which are difficult to understand, your position is clear. Also your vocabulary is pretty good.
Keep practicing :)
Here's my updated version. I know it seems a little longer but I just want to exercise as much as I can before I take the test. I will try to make it more succinct next time. Thank you all in advance!
These days, as Ebola prevailing in the continent of Africa causes dozens of deaths, masses are gradually paying more and more attention to public health. As we all know, the main duty of public attention is to prevent disease, promote health and prolong life. As a result, some people argue that government should step up efforts to legislate for public health. However, others argue that there is no need for government to intervene in the public health. In my point of view, I concede that governmental agencies should step in and oversee the public health.
First of all, diseases such as Ebola or other epidemic diseases can be fatal and catastrophic sometimes if government fail to rein in it in the very first place. Consequently, the most effective way to reduce the damage resulting from such horrifying epidemics is to establish powerful laws to well regulate public health. For instance, government could introduce a law against citizens travelling to countries or places prevailing contagious virus. In addition, legislature could stipulate that corporation must provide employee with free physical examination once a year to make sure that employees are in good shape. Both corporation and workers all benefit from it.
Furthermore, too often, people having serious illness such as heart disease and high blood pressure don't have the enough expertise regarding food choice. As far as I know, so many people choose taste over health when they decide what to eat. In the short run, it might not be a big problem but in the long run eating too much junk food will cause some serious damages to your organism. So government should take prompt measures to make sure that masses don't eat too many unhealthy food. Having a healthy and strong population can be truly cost-saving for the government in the long run.
Given the materials aforementioned, I am convinced that government should introduce laws into the public health field. In the modern world, people having a stressful life are easily susceptible to illness both physically and mentally. However, if government can constantly keep an eye on the potential public-health risk, the chance that epidemics breaks out will be less and the property of people will be better protected. So strong measure like law establishment should be carried out.
First of all, diseases such as Ebola or other epidemic diseases can be fatal and catastrophic sometimes if government fail to rein in it in the very first place.
Without government's attention to public health, epidemic diseases could be catastrophic.
Please choose the first statement of the paragraph carefully. It is better to choose the general statement, Afterward,expand itso manymost people
It is better to use words which are formally.
I think , Your writing is good :)
Good luck
