TOEFL Writing: 2 short essays (reading versus doing things; Neighbors)

Topic1:
Some people learn by reading about things. Others learn by doing things. Which of these methods of learning is better for you? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Essay:
Actually, there are a lot of ways for you to learn something. In there, learning by reading and by doing is the most popular. By reading, we have a number of useful information, and by doing we give more experiences. Personally, I learn better by doing than by reading.

I realize that I can do something more and more skillful whenever I redo if I learn by doing it. It meant, after I have done it first time ,then I will improve to do it better. Although we get knowledge and method, we may find very difficult as first time starting to work out. For instance, you have all firmly acquaintance with engine but you can not fix as fluently as one has particular experiences. You do not also solve a problem as quick as one practiced so many times to make a perfect solution. Further, more things I do, more interesting I get. At school, most of students prefer studying with practical lessons to reading a boring book. The enjoyment in study is motivation for people to enrich themselves.

In conclusion, I would like discover everything by doing them. However, the method to do is also very essential ,and I do not think that it is useless to read the instruction before I perform one. After all, I want to touch the world by my hands, but it not just with my eyes.

Topic2:
Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbors ? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

Essay :
Nowadays, everyone always lives in a groups like in apartments or in wards. And we all have some neighbors. They may be good or bad. Luckily, I lives in a ward with pretty nice neighbors. In my opinion, the qualities that make a good neighbor are kindly and delicated, it meant, they are not so curious.

My neighbors was very friendly when the first day I moved in there. When I met them, I felt unusual. They could be lightly remarkable as first sight because of kindliness. They often help us when we need to. In example, before leaving for my summer vacation for a week, I were really worried; but my neighbors helped me make sure my house was Ok for a that week. It is truly nice ! Furthermore, they haven't annoyed my privacy. Actually, my prior neighbors were too nosy so I had to relocate in here, but my present neighbors were not. I have not complained about anything they did. In present, I and my neighbors became to be good friends and usually help each other.

Getting on well with a neighbor is really great. I am please when live with my current neighbors. They are so friendly and sociable. I also learn that if you want to have a good neighbor, firstly you have to be a good neighbor yourself.

I think what you are saying by way of introduction to the first topic is that reading and doing are only two of the very many ways of learning things. That's not a bad way to start off a comparison of reading and doing as styles of learning, as it puts the question in the broader context of multiple intelligences and multiple learning styles.

You do need, however, to clean up your grammar and word choice to make that more clear.

Actually,T here are a lot of ways for you to learn something. Among them , learning by reading and by doing are the most popular. By reading, we acquire a number of useful pieces of information, and by doing we gain more experience . Personally, I learn better by doing than by reading.

You could start out even stronger, by making the first sentence active. For example, you could say, "People learn in many different ways.

I agree with Roland that the thesis of your second essay needs to be stated more clearly and then illustrated. As it now stands, we must derive your thesis from the different things you say about your past and present neighbors. Rewrite the introduction to that essay to be more clear, and then we can start in on grammar.

Better yet, you could eliminate most of your introduction altogether for the first essay. Saying that "People learn in many different ways" is perfectly true, but it isn't very interesting or relevant to the prompt, which asks you to choose between two specific methods of learning. If you are going to favor "doing" why not start out with a brief anecdote about a time you learned something specific through that method, then give your thesis, then summarize the points you plan to make in support of that thesis? That's fairly standard format for introductions to this sort of essay.

Normally I would agree, and I would like to see it phrased more interestingly, but I do think that the writer is adding something by noting that there are other ways of learning. This contextualizes the question by drawing the reader's attention to the broader issue of multiple intelligences and different learning styles.

I would agree with you, if the student were going to challenge the question, by talking about a method of learning other than one of the two provided, or if the essay were going to be about, in some way, "the broader issue of multiple intelligences and different learning styles." However, the student isn't, and the essay isn't. Given the fact that this is TOEFL essay, this is probably a good thing. Creativity and depth aren't really the point of this sort of writing. In fact, if the student were to challenge the question, the student might well fail, for going off topic.

I agree with Sean,

I have seen in TOEFL essays this type of starting some time confuses the examiner and may decrease the marks. Especially when the student hasn't explaind the other point of view in sucedding paragraphs. Some time as Sean said student might fail for going off topic.