IELTS Task1 Letter "Request Information & Write Letter to friend"

Question 1: writing a letter to ask about some information about the scholarship. following information should be included in your letter.
1) who you are
2) why you apply the scholarship
3) what information you want

Answer 1:

Dear Sir,Madam,

I am Andy,a student who is studying in high school.I am writing to seek some information about the scholarship.

I will study in college in three monthes.I am interested in Computer Science And Technology and I am planning on studying that in college.In addition,I learned that your school is the best,so I really hope to join your school.As you know,the tuition of this mayor is really expensive.Unfortunately,my family is not so rich to afford that.So I am afraid it would be a financial burden for my family.Therefore,I would like to know some information about the scholarship.

I would like to know different kinds of information,such as the amount and how to get ,etc.I would be very graceful if you could send some information about that in three weeks.Apart from that,I would really like to know something about the entrace.

Yours
Andy
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Question 2;
Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter,
explain why you changed jobs
describe your new job
tell him / her your other news
Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write any address.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear __________,

Answer;

Dear Jackson,

I am really happy to tell you I have just changed a job a week before.I am writing to tell you some details and share with you some news.

As I mentioned with you before,I worked in a Taiwanese company before.That job was really stressful.Therefore I needed to work overtime practically every day.So,I did not have much free time and I felt my life was out of balance.That really bothered me ,because I did not have time to spend on reading my books.Then I changed a new job.

So far, that job is great .It offers decent salary and benefits.More importantly,I have more free time.At present, I can spend more time on my interests and hobbies.

By the way, I just received a birthday gift from my parents,[(hi ,guys, should I use this comma? It seems the means are different)] which was a iPad.I am really fond of it because I can surf the internet and chat with my friends with it.I think we can chat with each other online.

I am looking forward to hearing from you,and I would really like some interesting news from you.

Yours
Andy

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Hi ,guys ,Could you offer some suggestions and corrections for this letter,please. I have two letters .
thanks for your great help.

This is a sort of formal letter that you write to some office asking information about a scholarship. In such letters you generally give your full name, so have your surname too.... Remember, you must understand the nature of the letter and to whom it is written. Accordingly you need to use the tone of the letter.

Also, mention the name of the high school.



.... tell them how best the school is in relation to your goals and aspirations :)

Hi beyondmtk,

For the second letter (a letter to an English-speaking friend), I think sometimes the tone is too informal...take the third paragraph as an example:

So far, that job is great .It offers decent salary and benefits.More importantly,I have more free time.At present, I can spend more time on my interests and hobbies.

I agree that the letter itself implies an informal tone, but we should not go too far or even become verbal. There is only 6-8 words in some sentences. I suggest to rewrite it as:

So far, that job is great and i offers decent salary and benefits. More importantly, I have more free time and presently, I can spend more time on my interests and hobbies.

Let's keep it up!!! :)