Response to an article on why liberal arts are important

Why are some majors more valued over others?

Different people pick different majors for different reasons, but within all those majors there hides a rarely spoken of hierarchy of acceptability. As someone who is currently majoring in mechanical engineering, I am near the top of this pyramid-shaped hierarchy, but for most of my life I dreamed of being a music educator, a profession which stands very much near the bottom of the pyramid. The liberal and performing arts teach lessons that cannot be learned in any way other than getting a liberal and performing arts education. Any form of art will teach lessons that one never thought needed to be learned. To recognize the beauty in life and in death, to find happiness in desperation and resentment, to plant bravery out of the fear in all of us, that is what art forces someone to learn.

Why not place more value in developing and growing as people amongst people as opposed to festering a 'me against the world' complex? Why not place importance in flowing creativity? Why not compliment deep thought instead of monetary gain?

Reading this article is not my first exposure to questioning why my mathematical side is more valued in society than my philosophical side, but it is my first time writing down my scattered thoughts on it. Already my own emotions are becoming clearer and I can say I understand myself better. The self-care intertwined with understanding the world better is deeply and unfortunately underestimated.

There is a dire need for politicians who better understand the science of climate change and the long history of the Middle East, we need more policemen that can communicate sensitively when needed, more people that can understand ethical differences. In my opinion, those examples and more could all be realities achieved through more exposure to the liberal arts.

Please find my feedback:

Different people pick different majors for different reasons, but within all those majors there hides a rarely spoken of hierarchy of acceptability . The use of word different makes this sentence looks redundant. Instead you can write people have varied reasons to opt for different majors

As someone who is currently majoring in mechanical engineering, I am near the top of this pyramid-shaped hierarchy.. this pyramid?? is not clear. you have to explain that some majors are most opted for and some are least opted.

There is a dire need for politicians who better understand the science ...
I don't find a connect in the previous paragraphs and this one. It seems digressing. May be you can define the liberal arts and then focus on some of the points to make it look mre coherent

Hope this helps!

Payal

Daniela, I wish you had provided us with a link to the actual article that you read for the development of this response essay. It would have greatly aided in the review of your paper which, although not bad, isn't really as good in presentation as it could have been. Since this is a response to an article, there are some specific sets of information that should have been presented in your essay.

First, the essay should have presented the name of the author, the title of the article, its publication date, and the publication itself. from there, a summary of the content of the article should have been mentioned in an effort to inform the reader about what the article discussion is about. Had you indicated the summary of the article in your first paragraph, I would not have found myself requesting for a link to the original article. I would already have known what the article is about.

Second, you should have indicated some discussion points in your essay as based upon actual quotes from the original. Your response should be in relation to something that you either agree or disagree with in the work of the author. That way, your responses have a general purpose and direction as opposed to the current open writing version that is neither here nor there in discussion focus.

Finally, your personal opinion to the overall article should have made the closing remarks more indicative of your overall response to the essay. Right now, the reader is not clear as to why you suddenly referred to the police situation in the Middle East. The reader is left wondering why you would opt to close your response on that note. There is no backgrounder in relation to the original article. That is necessary in order to help the reader understand the point of your whole discussion.