IELTS Task 2, school life is stressful and tiring hence after their graduation.

Some school leavers travel or work, for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

For some students, school life is stressful and tiring hence after their graduation, they do not directly go to university. They do traveling or working for some times while they are considering what university or major they want to take. This easy explants the benefits and the drawbacks.

Recently, several young adults think that spending a period between their high school graduation and university enrolment and working makes some benefits. Firstly, they can receive new points of views from the places which they have already visited since every place offers different culture and experience. Secondly, doing work in the field which they have passion in will sharpen their skill because they enjoy doing it and their skill improvement will make them have higher bargaining position in their job field. Besides, postpone enrolling at university gives them more time to find out what they want really want to study. It prevents them from being stack in the major that they do not like.a

On the other hand, several people think that those bring some disadvantages for the youth. Enjoying the job and travel too much, the young people often digress from their first plan. Some of them end up to enrolling at university because they feel that they have reached what they want without having to study in university. Their mind also changes into professional worker because they have enough knowledge from their daily circumstance. In addition, their friends in their journey or new people whom the meet in the place which they visit sometimes attract young generation to stay in some place for a long time which is much more than their plan. It is worried that they will be worried to enroll at university.

To sum up, it is evident that those are some benefits and demerits of working and traveling in a period before they register in the university. In my opinion, I believe that good time management and focus on their work or travel can give much more advantages then the drawbacks.

Hello wahyu

To make the text more refined, I suggest you apply the following adjustments/corrections:

tiring [...]. Therefore, after having graduated from school, they usually take a few years off from studying.
while [...] contemplating on what university...
This easy [...]You should remove this sentence - it sounds awkward.
think [...] thought that taking time for themselves, between their... is indeed rather beneficial.
Firstly [...] First, they will be able to expand their intellectual horizons by visiting new places and learning about other cultures.
Secondly [...] Second...
the field [...], for which they...
will make [...] will enable them...
Besides [...], by having postponed the time when they are to enroll at a university, they will have more time...
It prevents [...] It will prevent them...
several [ ...], there are some people who would disagree.
While enjoying their job and traveling places...
Some of them [...] decide in favor of giving up on the idea of enrolling at a university...
Their mind [...] becomes more focused on achieving some concrete objectives, which in turn makes it harder for these individuals to think in abstract terms.
In addition [...] while traveling, school graduates are naturally tempted to stay in new places for much longer than they initially planned.
It is worried [...] this sentence does not make much sense.
To sum up [...] there are both: benefits and drawbacks to the idea of postponing the enrollment at a university.
In my opinion [...] no need for this
.
I hope it helped. Regards.