'skip the trial and error period and save the time toward a right way'; what future job for a child?

i am not good at writing, but i most inprove my writing skill within 1 month in order to pass the toefl IBT. so i need to practice in writing. i hope someone can help me and give me advices. thanks.

children should choose the jobs similar to their parents' or choose the jobs different from their parents?

obviously, in most cases, parents play an important role in children' whole life. parents' mind reflected in children' development. children are more or less like their parents in some ways. so, in my opinion, i think children should choose the jobs similar to their parents.

First of all, if the children choose the similar jobs with their parents, it is easy to success. because parents have experienced different difficulties and most of them are in a stable situabion of their jobs or career. so, when their children choose the same jobs as their parents, their parents can help their children

second, their parents have a stable relationship net of this job. as a new freshman in a career. children don't have broad person network. in that case, parents can introduce their friends and customers to their children. for example, if they are all layer, children as a freshmen in layer industry, it is difficult to get a first client in their job. But, because their parents may give some cases to their children. it will more easy to start his or her career in layer industry.

parents are the first teacher in children 's early education and more important is parents is the only person most care the development of their children. in general, from a children' conducts we can guess what is the characters of his parents. As the same logic, children choose the similar job as their parents may be more suitable for them and skip the trial and error period and save the time toward a right way.

Obviously, in most cases, the parents play an important role in the lives of their children.


.... this sounds confusing...
Children have many similarities to their parents.


First, if children choose similar jobs as their parents, it would be easy for them to be successful.

thanks very much....

First of all, children choosing similar jobs as their parents stand a better chance of succeeding in life.

You need to work hard on your grammar. Try reading books and watching English movies with subtitles would also help.

Hai...

Take care of spelling.

You have some good points

Tessy

thx... ..

Hi, you do have many clear points in your essay, and as pointed out before, the main problem is spelling/grammar.


In my opinion, it would be best to avoid the use of the word 'obviously'. Instead, I would probably write something like "It is obvious that parents play an important role in a child's life."


I would rephrase "Children are more or less like their parents. So, in my opinion, I think child should choose jobs similar to those of their parents".

Also, changing "First of all" and "Second" to "Firstly" and "Secondly" adds a bit more structure to your essay.

It's a good start but it requires thorough proof-reading.