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The statistics data about cinema visitors based on different age groups in the United Kingdom



bastian20 10 / 16  
Apr 4, 2016   #1
A breakdown of information about visitors in cinema based on age groups in the United Kingdom per five years from 1990 to 2010 as a projected year is illustrated in the line chart. The data is shown in per cent. Overall, it can be seen that despite some fluctuations, over the period as a whole the levels of viewers rose in four age groups.

Aged 44-45 and 34-44 was the two highest percentages. Over the end of period they showed at fairly similar level. By 1990, they had nearly proportion between 37% and 35% respectively. There were slight decline in 2000 for both categories. However, form 2005 and 2010, the percentage of two age group increased significantly in order to end up at more than half for aged 44-54 and 33% for aged 34-44.

Turning to other categories, also, aged 14-24 and 24-34 had almost same trend. The proportion of people watching movie in the first categories stood at 15 as the lowest percentage, while another was up one in ten. During 1995 to 2005 witnessed a similar fluctuation. Finally, they remained stable until the end of the period at 3more than a third and a fifth successively.


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ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Apr 4, 2016   #2
Bastian, you have a good potential to write an outstanding a piece of writing. I like the way you present the data, it is very clear and informative. However, amidst all of that, I think you still need a few works on your grammatical errors regarding to this essay. Then, my suggestion is also related on the use of your range of vocabularies. I reckon that you need more efforts to do that, try to reduce some repetitive in your essay. By doing that, it is possible for you to make you pass the IELTS test with flying colors. Now, for a breakdown of some grammatical corrections.

chart

chart is only for bar and pie. Line usually 'Line Graph'

it can be seen that despite

it can be seen that, despite... (comma is necessary)

Aged 44-45 and 34-44

For people in the age group between 44-45 and 34-44, they were...

There were slight decline in 2000 for both categories

2000 experienced a slight decline for both categories.

form

from

two age group

two age groups

aged 44-54 and 33% for aged 34-44.

people between the age group of 44-55 and 34-44, at roughly 33%

3more

more


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