Study of Sociology Aspects of Art Theft

Hey guys, I'm writing an introduction paragraph about my research paper about art theft in societies. Looking forward improve on any aspects of my paper. Any comments or advices are greatly appreciated!! Thank you!

In today's society, the number of thieves are increasing in popularity among criminals. As one of the largest crime, it widely includes shoplifting, petty theft, robbery, identify theft, art theft, etc. In the interest of broad category, some levels of theft resulting murder and violence, conversely that some are non-violent. However, there is one harmless crime that is belittled and overlook, that is art thief. The events of art theft up brings scarcely attention to the public, however, that this issue has been exhibited in many centuries. (Thesis) In the light of the case of Montreal Museum of Fine Arts in early seventies and the case of John Tillmann in 2013, study had shown an insight of negligence of art thieves in societies.

hi bro ethan,,

... that is belittled and overlook (overlooked), that is (an) art thief.
... art theft up brings (bring ,because "the events" is plural) scarcely attention to ...
(Thesis) In the light of the case (...) Arts in early seventies (i think using "70's" is better than we write it in word) and the case of ...

thank you very much bro
^_^

Ethan, I would focus the opening paragraph of your essay on the discussion regarding art theft right from the start. From the way that you opened the essay, it seemed like your focus should have been on something else. I suggest that you look up the biggest and most well known art thefts and create your thesis paragraph around that. Speaking of thesis statements, your introduction is not very clear when it comes to that. Most likely because you called the attention of the reader to something different at the start. A simple revision through the refocusing of content in the thesis statement should solve that problem. Make sure that you clearly state why you want to focus on art theft in this essay and what you wish to prove through the research that you will be presenting. Those two clear aspects should serve to interest the reader in what else you have to say in the paper.

Hey Kimichi89 and Holt, thank you so much for reviewing my post. I took all advice and suggestions into account re-edited my introduction! Please take a look as I want to make it better! Thank you!

Of the many crimes that are presented in today's society, one that steals pieces of work that worth millions, hence, a crime that receives minimal punishment, is that of art theft. The events of art theft up carry scarcely attention to the public, however, that this issue has been exhibited in many centuries. Considering that the advantages of art theft hold because the lack of attention from the public and media, the rate of thieves are expected to increase in its nature. In contrary, at the same time, the strictness of the security and the difficulty are also advancing; in making the rate of art thieves are unable to rise over time. (Thesis) In the light of the early 1970's Montreal Museum of fine arts case and the recent 2013 John Tillmann case, studies have highlighted society's negligence in its interactions with art thieves.

Let's see if I can show you how to better improve upon your thesis statement. I just feel like there is something lacking in it. I would consider improving the statement by saying the following in my introduction to the topic:

In 2008, 4 important painting by Van Gogh, Monet, Degas, and Cezanne were stolen from a museum in Zurich, Switzerland. The total cost of these paintings was 163.2 million dollars. I..

Now the above is only an example of how you can improve your thesis statement by correctly laying out the foundation for the thesis and eventual presentation of your thesis statement. I hope it can help you with the next revision of your thesis statement.

@holt Thank you so much once again for reviewing my writing!

Ok, so I think I understand the problems I had. In my writing, I tent to use complicated words and try to make it sound professional but resulted in the wording and the sentence structure sounds awkward. And from your examples, I learned that I don't necessary have to cover specific cases when writing a thesis, which I did. From reading your example, it covers all the thoughts I was trying to get across, but when I re-read my paper, I find it awkward in many ways.

Ahhhhhh, thank you so much Holt, your advice and help means so much to me. English is not my strong subject, but I will keep working on it! Do you mind if I keep some ideas and thoughts from your example? Thank yu so much!!

Hi Ethan ! Thank you so much for the compliments. I am so happy that I was able to help you better write your essay. Don't worry about using the work that I gave as an example. Go ahead and use as much of it, or as little of it as you want. Anything I can do to help you out. I hope that you can come back to have us review your essay. I have a feeling that it will be much better now that you fully understand what you have to do with the essay. More importantly, you now know how to improve your presentation and content.

You will need to come up with the original thesis statement yourself though. That should not be too difficult if you will base the thesis statement on the example I provided. You just have to fill in the blanks after the ellipses I wrote. I'm here to help you in case you need help with the development of that aspect of the essay. Just sound the help alarm and I'll be here as soon as I can.