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Summarise the information in the graph about the consumption of four kinds of food in Europe

thanhden96 1 / -  
Oct 11, 2019   #1

numbers of food consumption in an European country

The graph illustrates the number of four kinds of food consumed in a European country namely fish, lamb, beef and chicken over the 25-year period from 1979 to 2004.

Overall, the consumption of chicken increased while that of others tends to decrease. What stands out of the graph is that the fish consumption was the lowest of all over this period.

As regards to the lines of chicken and lamb, they have the same starting figure in 1979 at about 150. However,it was obvious that the trend of them was entirely different. the figure for chicken went up fluctuately and reached a peak at over 250 in 2002. the number lamb, which was consumed dropped to approximately 65 in the end of this period

The fish consumption had a steady decrease. the figure in 1979 was about 60 and the final figure is 45 in 2002. By contrast, the consumption of beef falls dramatically to 180 in the first three years of the period then rose to 240 in 1984. Subsequently , the figure went down and bottomed out at 105 in 2002.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Oct 14, 2019   #2
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback serves you well.

Before mentioning anything, it would be helpful for you to include the graph that you are basing this writing from. After all, the written work should also be evaluated on the basis of its analytical structure. I heavily recommend this for the next activity.

Firstly, the first sentence needs to be hammered down a little bit more. Notice how the writing itself lacks fervor. If we take a look at your actual body paragraph (the last two paragraphs), it's quite prevalent how you had focused so much on filling in the spaces of writing rather than on the context itself. I would recommend that you try to incorporate a more extensive analysis to improve the substantiation.

Furthermore, you should transition in a better way when moving in between different clusters of thought. There should have been more commas, for instance, on the last paragraph to mark this transition. Be cautious of this mistake.

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