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The US always supported others who lost everything in natural disasters or to help build democracy



pbhutiani 2 / 4  
Sep 20, 2015   #1
Cbest essay-The U.S. is becoming a nation of spectators - Need advise

I have finished reading and mathematics sections on my CB EST. Writing test is coming very soon. I just came to know about this wonderful website.. Pls help and give feedback on my essay so that i can improve my writing skills.

Thank you !

The quotation ""The U.S. is becoming a nation of spectators - people who prefer to sit back and observe rather than a nation of doers. " is a controversial one. Some people agree that the U.S. is becoming a nation of spectators and that people do not work hard, spend a lot of time watching TV and less time in getting involves in their children schools, in building and strengthening the country. Others disagree with the quotation and they feel that the U.S. is one of the strongest and developed nations who participates and help other nations in case of any catastrophe or political issues between the countries. People are much more involved in community work and politics than in any other nations. After thinking carefully I do not agree with the quotation that we are becoming a nation of spectators especially when it comes to our politics, the education of our children, and our communities.

In schools we have PTA, where parent volunteers help teachers in their every day work. Parents and teachers work jointly helping students reach their goals. For instance PTA in my son school organizes fundraisers like walk-a-thons to sponsor more programs like music, AR and field trips in schools. Programs like walk-a-thon makes children feel proud of themselves that they are helping raising money for school activities. Being born outside US, I can tell parents here are more involved in the children's life than any other place.

Being the strongest and developed nation the US takes responsibility of helping other nations in case of any catastrophe or other political issues between countries. In 2010 when Haiti was hit by a major earthquake, the USAID has provided relief, recovery and long-term reconstruction assistance. The organization called the bureau of international labor affairs have been setup since 1993 to combat child labor, human trafficking and forced labor which are still prevalent in many under developed nations.

In communities, people can petition the government on some issues to get attention. Last year my daughter's preschool teacher found out that she has cancer and she was so worried how about the cost associated with the treatment. All parents and teachers came together to help raise the fundraiser to support her. I did not see happening in my country. So many non-profit organizations are there to help and support people with all kinds of problems. We also have organizations to help and rescue animals.

In conclusion, I want to say that I don't agree with the quotation that we are becoming the nation of spectators rather than doers the US has always been there to help others who lost everything in natural disasters or to help built democracy in other countries. People work together in building and strengthening communities and schools.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 20, 2015   #2
Pooja, you need to balance the discussion that you have in your essay. When writing an opinion essay, it is always best to present both sides of the discussion. In order to accurately discuss this prompt, you need to present the pro and the con of the statement. That said, it would be best for you if you chose to discuss only one aspect of each side, in great detail if you wish, in the essay.

Right now, the essay just defends your stance without considering the other, often acceptable reasons for the opposing side. Think of the discussion in these terms at the moment. The Republicans believe that the U.S. needs to stop "leading from behind" which is something that happened because of the ineffective leadership of the current president. Now, considering all of the anarchy in the streets, the discord in politics, and the fact that China is willing to try and take on the United States as a powerful world leader, shows that the United States has become a nation of spectators in the sense that the American leaders see what is happening and yet seem powerless to stop the train-wreck from happening. Either because they can't or they don't want to. If they don't want to, the the argument that the US has become a country of spectators is sound and valid. It seems like the politicians have taken a back seat on the international stage because of the local infighting among politicos. On the other hand, the United States still continues to be on the front-lines of international issues when it can. The Iran deal, the return of Bergdahl, the 3 American heroes on the French train, all prove that the United States is not a country of spectators. Using these ideas, you can better evaluate the issue presented and create a strong argument.

Try to veer away from the PTA, teacher's illnesses, and the like in this discussion. Those are local matters that have no direct effect on the world leadership of America, which is what I believe this essay would like you to discuss. Has the United States become a spectator on a world stage? Or are the Americans still in a position of world leadership? Do they continue to lead by example? Those are the points that you should be presenting in your work.

Use one facet of each discussion for your essay in order to create a connection between the two sides and then present your own opinion on the matter, remember to support your stand with evidence, then conclude your essay. You said so yourself, "The US always supported others who lost everything in natural disasters or to help build democracy". So you very well know that the discussion is not one that should be done on a local level, but on an international scale. Discuss the issue accordingly.
OP pbhutiani 2 / 4  
Sep 21, 2015   #3
Thank you so much for the advise and help.


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