I am currently applying to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund's Scholarship and the ask the following question:
Describe your participation in extracurricular activities. What have you learned from your experience(s)? (Examples may include: community service, volunteer work, employment, school clubs, sports, family, church, etc.) *
Any feedback on grammar, content, etc. is appreciated!
In the summer of 10th grade I embarked on a 3 year long internship program called Teen Miami. The Teen Miami program was created by the museum HistoryMiami and began as an initiative to involve Miami's teenage demographic with the museum. Along with 19 other high school students I was chosen from a large pool of applicants to curate an exhibition about Teen Culture in Miami from the 1940s to the present day. Throughout the time that I dedicated to this project I had the opportunity to work hands on with the different departments of the museum and perform various tasks such as conducting oral histories and archival research, creating programs that cater to teenagers, and advertising the exhibit's opening. Working closely with a group of people and with a specific goal in mind, I learned about the importance of communication and compromise. Without these two key components big projects that involve a group of people would not be successful. As I grew along with Teen Miami I became aware about aspects of my own personality and character. From this experience I learned the dedication and sense of responsibility that I can have towards a project or task. Once I set my mind on making Teen Miami a successful exhibit, I did not stop until I achieved so. In addition, I realized my love and admiration for museums and history and the joy that it brings me to be part of such an institution of learning and community.
Teen Miami served as a catalyst for my involvement in extracurricular activities, and so in 11th grade I sought out the position of historian for the Class of 2013 Student Council and in 12th grade the position of president of the National Art Honor Society. Both these organizations involved me using my creativity and artistic talents to plan out school events. For instance, one event I helped with as historian was "Senior Breakfast". Every year my high school hosts a movie themed breakfast for its seniors, the theme for mine was the Pixar movie, UP. For this event I was given the responsibility to create decorations and draw the characters from the movie. All throughout my senior year I was involved in assisting with these sort of events and doing hands on work -such as painting and decorating - as well as brainstorming activities. In retrospect, I enjoyed not only being involved with school events, but utilizing my artistic talent as well.
My involvement with activities in High School helped me learn and appreciate the diversity of talents and personalities that must work together in order to achieve a goal, whether that goal is as big as curating an exhibit or as insular as planning out a High School prom. It also made me realize that being involved in the community and in school created experiences that in the long run allowed me to grow and improve in the way I communicate and present myself and my ideas to others.
With this in mind, as I enter a new epoch in my life -as a student in Maryland Institute College of Art- I am eager to see what new opportunities will arise for me to be involved in programs and activities, and how I will improve from them. As it is, I have already become involved with the school's Activities office as a work-study and in the spring I hope to be part of a program called Community Site Leadership in which I and two other students will visit a local non-profit organization in Baltimore and organize art classes.
Your grammar is pretty solid. You could tweak a few things here and there and make certain sentences more concise, but it's fine in this regard.
This sentence could be split up into two parts:
"Throughout the time that I dedicated to this project I had the opportunity to work hands on with the different departments of the museum and perform various tasks such as conducting oral histories and archival research, creating programs that cater to teenagers, and advertising the exhibit's opening."
Teen Miami served as a catalyst for my involvement in extracurricular activities, and so in 11th grade I sought [did you achieve both? If so, explicitly say that you became the president] out the position of historian for the Class of 2013 Student Council and in 12th grade the position of president of the National Art Honor Society.
I like the topics you mentioned. However, you should mention how you applied what you learned from Teen Miami. You could also incorporate an anecdote detailing your transition from someone who didn't value "communication and compromise" to a strong advocate for good group dynamics.
Your conclusion is on the weaker side. You can end with just the first sentence of the lat paragraph:
"With this in mind, as I enter a new epoch in my life -as a student in Maryland Institute College of Art--- [You want an em-dash (---) instead of a hyphen]I am eager to see what new opportunities will arise for me to be involved in programs and activities, and how I will improve from them."
If you want to include that last bit about that program, mention it with your student council paragraph.
This essay has good potential, you just need to add some flair to it! Good luck with your scholarship :-)
