Teenagers and jobs paragraph - it is my blog for writing

Hello! Can somebody check for me this paragraph, please!
it is my blog for writing class.

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I think that you forgot to write paragraph here.

Please write the paragraph, I'll be happy to check it

Some people believe that it is great to be able to get a job as teenagers because it helps teens to prepare for the future, and it is a great experience. It also gives them a chance to see what it is like to earn and spend money of their own. However, in my opinion, young people should not work. First, there is not enough time for self-study and to whole homework. If teens work a lot, they get tired and cannot concentrate on lessons. Also, if they get stress at work, they have a tendency to not care about their school too. Second, teenagers should use their free time looking for their fervor and ability. It is important to find out what do person like to do or if teens have any talents because people with extraordinary skills can get a big success in their future. If people do not spend time on it, they will never know about these kinds of skills. Teens who work too tired to do any activities. Next, it is very important to have quality time with family. Family has a big influence on teen's future. Teenagers, who grow up with love and safety in family, can avoid many bad things. For example, one of my classmates, Igor decided to work during the school instead of learning. He thought that had his own money so cool. Since he started work, Igor did not care about school and his grade. In addition, he did not have any free time to spend with his family nor did any activities with his friends. He was so exhausted, and he failed the school. Now, he has a bad job with low pay. I believe he get his lesson about choice between school and work. I think teenagers should not work because of those reasons and example. Teenagers should concentrate on lessons.

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Are you talking about the gap year? It's difficult to provide you with relevant comments when we don't know the real purpose :( .... Seems like an IETLS or TOEFL type of writing


Some support the view that teenagers should be employed because that experience enable them to prepare themselves for taking up future challenges.