Ielts task 1- usage of three spreads, including margarine, low fat & reduced spread and butter

Comparison of spreads usage

The line graph illustrates the usage of three spreads, including margarine, low fat & reduced spread and butter between 1981 and 2007.

Overall, the number of these three spreads taken by consumers fluctuated. Both consumptions of butter and margarine decreased while the usage of low fat & reduced spreads rose.

Initially, there were around 90 grams of margarine spreads. The number then went up and down and reduced enormously to 40 grams in 2007. Originally, the consumption of butter is the largest among all of them in 1981 (around 145 grams), it then rose sharply to 160 grams in 1986 and reduced dramatically to 50 grams in 2007. For low fat & reduced spreads, the consumption started in 1996, it goes up rapidly to around 80 grams in 2001 and declined slightly to 70 grams in 2007

At first, the number of butter spreads outweighed the margarine spreads, and both of their numbers were larger than low fat & reduced spreads in 1996. However, at last, low fat & reduced spreads overtook both butter and margarine spreads in 2007 with the differences of around 20 grams.

[186 words]

Please give a score for my essay, thank you!!

• 
  the graph
  

hi. i think:
-there were fluctuations in the total consumption of margarine and butter from 1981 to 1996 ( the number of low fat & reduced spread and butter didn't exist throughout this period)

-the overall trend was descending. (the red line went up from 20-80 only for 5 years but went down for 6 years, or more )
-you should describe the highest, lowest top of each line, not how they are on the graph like The number then went up and down and reduced enormously to 40 grams in 2007

imchang, I know that there are several examples of task 1 essays on the web that separate the summary overview into single sentence, separate presentations. Do not follow those examples. Your C&C score will be higher when you combine those sentences into one interconnected paragraph presentation of 3-5 sentences instead. A complete paragraph is counted as having 3-5 sentences within it. You actually have good individual summaries presented here. When combined, you will definitely get a very good TA and C&C score.

You are missing one important comparison detail in this essay. Examine the graph once again and you will see that there are overlapping points and areas where the information just touch upon each other in the same value. You should have reported those as the comparison points of the essay. These 2 comparison points would have pushed your TA, C&C, and GRA scores even higher than it would be scored at the moment.

This is basically just a 3 paragraph essay when considering that you separated the summary paragraph intro 3 presentations. So that is a major problem for this essay as it dragged down your TA and GRA score. Based on my observations, I believe your essay could get a score of 4.5 at the most.

Thank you for your comment! Do you mean that I should combine the first two paragraphs into one, like this:

The line graph illustrates (...) Overall, the number of (...) ?

And then I can add in the fourth paragraph pointing out the overlapping points after the second and third paragraph which are being kept the same?

Thank you.