Is Violence the Result of TV, computers, and video games?

Topic: In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on TV,computers and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? ( 150-180 words)

brutal images on TV, internet, etc., propagate violence

The more developing the world is, the more increasing number of crimes is. A majority of people view TV programmes, Computers or video games with violent sceneries as one of the main reasons for this. As far as I'm concerned, I uphold mentioned opinion.Firstly, brutal images showed on these devices propagate violence to people. After watching or playing, they add a bad new definition into their mind , which means they understand how violence is. In other words, they awake people's instinct that first step to awake potential crimes. Secondly, they teach people ways of acting violently. Each time running into an aggressive scenery on TV or experiencing a battle on games is you've learned how to use violence or murder. By the same token, people can immidiately itimate them, especially the youngsters. People may consider that violence can speak their strength and power so they'll continue using it for times. Then, it little by little becomes their bad behavior route and the level of violence used by them getting higher. Therefore, it slowly leads them to name as a crime. With all aforementioned reasons, it's beyond question that expanding number of crimes is due to brutal images on Tv or other devices and they should be checked out before being published.

... a battle on games is you've learned how to use violence or murder.

Personally I don't recommend present perfect tense here. Simple present tense is better suited to "each time" or "when".

Ha, even when you are given a limited word count, you are still expected to write your essay response in proper paragraph form. With 180 words, you could have written at least 2 paragraphs, properly formatted for your response. The paragraph format not only makes your essay easier to read and consider, but it also allows you to properly defend your reasons by presenting appropriate supporting information. Your essay failed to accomplish that because all you did was mention reasons with weak or undeveloped supporting sentences. Aside from that problem, you also did not properly restate the prompt and degree of your agreement with the statement based upon the given instructions. As such, your essay cannot be given a passing score. You did not properly utilize the topic discussion in order to prove your English skills based upon the given scoring criteria.

Ha, I am afraid that aside the fact that you did not do a proper paraphrase of the prompt, your sentence construction and grammar is very poor. From my review of your post, I can point out that the errors in your current post are not just because of typos, but due to the fact that you seemingly lack good foundation of English grammar. I would recommend that you engage in more studies with respect to understanding the use of English Language. This you can achieve by availing yourself necessary materials and articles that would suffice for this purpose. In addition,for a starter, you must learn that in order to hit the examiner's expectation in your response to this kind of essay, you must first paraphrase the topic question of the essay, then create a thesis statement of what you intend to discuss (in this case it should either agree or dis agree with the statement in the prompt). This will form the introductory part of your essay. In the next 2 - 3 paragraphs, you are expected to discuss in details the main ideas in your thesis statement after which you conclude the write-up.

@LadyOfClockwork
Thank you so much

@Holt
thanks a lot for your correction .
However, this writing only requires to write a paragraph , not a complete essay . It's the reason why I didn't divide my writing into small paragraph

@okorobiadimma14
From my bottom of heart, I want to give you my thank-you.
And can you point out my mistakes in English grammar ?
I want to find out them to correct and improve . Thanks again :)

Ha, unfortunately I am not able to point out all your errors in English grammar. This is because on the one hand, it is impossible to know them all while on the other hand, even if I decide to use your current post as term of reference, it still would not suffice in achieving your desired outcome. However, I will correct an excerpt from your post just to create a stepping stone for you.

"The more developing the world is, the more..."
"The more developed the world becomes, the more crimes increase. Majority of ['a lot of' or 'many' or ' a number of' would have been the best adjectival phrase here] people view..."

"As far as I'm concerned, I uphold mentioned..."
"As far as I am concerned, I uphold the aforementioned opinion ( school of thought)."
Each time running into an aggressive scenery ..."
"Most times, watching aggressive scenes on TV or engaging in battle games boosts people's ability to embrace violence as well as commit various incriminating offenses such as murder."

Notice how I tried to reconstruct the expressions from your post so as to embellish them and they made more sense than the initial versions. I am not trying to tip you to do exactly what I did, but you can work harder to improve your writing skills by learning the use of English Language.

I don't think this is a suitable form of an essay.