Write paragraphs to answer the question: about advertisements in schools.

Hi everyone, I'm a college student studying for an IELTS test later this year. I still make a lot of mistake so please comment so I can improve from your advice. Thank you all and have a great day! Please read my writing below:

TOPIC:
These days, some schools do not have enough money to pay for all the programs that they think are necessary for their students. As a result, some schools are considering allowing advertisements in their buildings.

Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not?

My answer:

Many schools are facing drastic financial problem to support imperative courses for their students. Consequently, they are taking into account the option of placing commercial ads on campus. I think, despite many drawbacks, this is a good way to solve the school's tight budget problem .

Granting companies permission to put advertisement on school 's grounds is a win-win strategy. For the local businesses, it is a great way to approach new customers as kid are tremendously influential to their parents' purchase. On the other hand, opening school up to advertising messages is highly profitable and bring in extra money for the school without having to raise fees from parents. Besides, school leaders have control over which ads is acceptable to be displayed on school property. Many advertisement such as bill board about higher education or extra curriculum activities should not be considered distractions since they teach pupils making informative choices in terms of their learning.

Having said that, allowing ads at school still poses many risks. Kids have already exposed to ads from the moment they wake up to the minute they go to sleep and adding more media to their day seems not a good idea. Therefore, school is expected to be a place to learn not a place for commercialism. Many worry that advertising posters and images can strongly grabs students' attendtion and throw off their focus on studying. In addition, children are very vulnerable to advertisement and persuasive ads could lead to impulsive buying goods that are not of necessity.

In conclusion, letting companies advertise on campus may cause some distractions to students but they help ease the financial burden to schools. Advertising is here to stay so I strongly advocate schools open up for it as long as they carefully choose only family- appropriate content.

You need to show a belief in your opinion. This reference point is uncertain. It means you are unclear when it comes to the response you support. This will definitely lower the TA score in terms of task response.


Grammar error. "Kid" is singular, "are" is plural. The correct reference is " kids are..." or , " a kid is". "Is" refers to third person singular while "are" refers to present indicative plural.


This is signifies a non- connected idea and should be a separate paragraph. The presentation mistake left the previous reason under-developed and lacking in a supporting discussion. This will cause C + C deductions. You misused the phrase as a transition phrase. The transition word "additionally" would have better connected, while transitioning the discussion topic.


This is a single opinion defense. The discussion does not call for a comparative discussion. This section will be disregarded as it doesn't support the thesis statement. The reduced word count could result in a failed final score as there are already other busting ewiors in the presentation.