IELTS ESSAY: GUN CONTRAL

hello, this is an ielts essay i wrote yesterday, can u guys help me mark it. thanks a lot!!

Topic : why should the ownership of guns be limited

Gun is definitely not a kind of normal good in our society, which is strictly controlled in most countries. However, gun control in some countries is relatively loose than others. Therefore, this is still a controversial topic around the world. From my point of view, it is sensible to enforce the gun control.

The first factor considered is the risk of accidents with guns. The accidents cannot be completely avoided although only those who have gun licenses can purchase guns. For example, we hear some news from time to time that someone was hurt by accident during the hunting. So the fewer guns possessed, the fewer accidents would happened, our surroundings would be safer with lower accident rates.

Secondly, most violent crimes are related to the abuse of guns, especially in some countries where guns are available for people. Eventually, guns will create a violent society if the trend continues. Take an example, in American, young adults and even juveniles can get access to guns, which leads to the tragedies of school gun shooting. What is worse, some terrorists are able to possess more advanced weapons than the police, which makes citizens always live in danger.

Thirdly, the possession of guns can also raise the rates of suicide. In the US, firearms remain the most common method of suicide, accounting for about 50 per cent. Unfortunately, there is an increasing trend of adolescent suicides and suicides among those age 75 and over.

In conclusion, considering the rise in accident rates, violent crime rates and suicide rates, I support that the guns should be strictly limited and the government should enforce a series of laws to prevent our societies from violence.

Hello Dong, do you see this important correction from Maria?
Instead of writing "Gun is not..." you have to write about "gun use."

Maria wrote:
Gun use, which is strictly controlled in most countries, is definitely not...

By doing this, she refers to a noun. The word "use" is usually a verb, but here she corrects your sentence by using it as a noun. The use of guns is called "gun use."

Do you understand that correction? Do you have questions about the other corrections? I want to know if you have any questions and if you can rewrite this essay to incorporate her corrections.

Here is another area to look at:
Thirdly, the possession of guns can also raise the rate of suicide. --- she changed rates to rate.

...and percent is one word.
In the US, firearms remain the most common method of suicide, accounting for about 50 percent .

thank you so much, yayz and Kevin.

I learnt a lot from your corrections.
but there is still a small question, in Britain countries, I think "per cent" are two words, aren't they?

Hmm ok I checked the internet & it pretty much says that while "per cent" is not technically incorrect, "percent" is just the more common way to write it. So I guess it is more or less a matter of choice? Interesting..

dictionary.reference.com/browse/percent

Hey, that makes sense. I see now that per cent used to be 2 words and that people gradually put them together.

So.. in UK English it is common to write it as 2 words? I think I often see EssayForum writers write them as 2 words...

Thanks!!