"A Chain Reaction of Death" - intro of hamlet essay

Hamlet:
A Chain Reaction of Death

Why did so many characters die in the play of Hamlet? I believe it was the domino effect that led to the death of so many individuals in Hamlet. This domino effect started early in the play and ultimately led to a bitter ending in Hamlet. It started with Hamlet's father appearing as a ghost to inform Hamlet that Claudius killed him. Then, there was Ophelia's father being stabbed to death by Hamlet. There were also the disloyal friends of Hamlet, trying to bring him down. All these and a few more causes led to the effect which is that the majority of the characters dying in the play.

Whatever is in bold is the thesis

Since I am not sure what kind of essay this is (assuming it's a thesis essay), I would say the improvement to make from here is to ease into your essay as opposed to opennign with your thesis statement. Set a mood for your essay even though it's thesis-driven. Right now the writing seems a bit sharp. Play with language a little, use transitions.

i would recommend putting your thesis as the last sentence of your paragrah and to building into the introduction of the people who fall. like first the ghost, the ophelia's father, etc...

No, it doesn't work this way. You don't really say anything; you just refer to the "domino effect," but it is not enough to mention a "chain reaction" or domino effect. You need to describe personality attributes among the characters. How would things have gone differently if (name a character) had not been so (name an adjective to describe a personality).

Shakespeare's plays are about human nature, and the characters' tragedies teach a lesson for the audience. This question is intended to make you show that you learned a lesson about how to avoid calamity.