Conditions experienced by the slaves -CARNEGIE MELLON CHOOSE A SENTENCE TO DESCRIBE A BOOK

Here is what I have. The book is about a girl escaping slavery in the US to Canada

I was horrified by the gruesome and horrid conditions experienced by the slaves, but I was truly amazed with Julily's courage, perserverance, and determination to escape captivity to Canada to free herself from shackles of slavery, even through hardships such as the separation with her mother.

PLEASE PROVIDE ME WITH HARSH CRITICISM

thanks!

This sentence does a good job describing the character in question. But the topic of escaping slavery and becoming free does not really express your personal strength. I assume that is what carnegie mellon wants from you.

I agree with supbrahs, while you do provide a very great description of the book, you really need to explain more how the book impacted you and you grew from reading the book. For example you can talk about how the book has motivated or has given you ambition to do something, etc.