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A Walk Through the Royal Garden



kevinafoster 1 / -  
Apr 16, 2013   #1
My essay has the following rubric requirements from Grand Canyon University:
Paper focuses on an interesting place, person, or animal in the writer's community. Writer gives a clear, dominant impression of the subject that offers a unique perspective. Rhetorical devices, such as similes or metaphors, are incorporated effectively into essay.

Description is vivid and dialog is used appropriately. Both description and dialog are integrated smoothly into the paper. Writer uses details from all five senses to show, not tell, readers about the subject. Description and dialog work together to create the theme of the paper.

Thesis and/or main claim are comprehensive; contained within the thesis is the essence of the paper. Thesis statement makes the purpose of the paper clear.

There is a sophisticated construction of paragraphs and transitions. Ideas progress and relate to each other. Paragraph and transition construction guide the reader. Paragraph structure is seamless.

Writer is clearly in command of standard, written, academic English
All format elements are correct.
In-text citations and a reference page are complete. The documentation of cited sources is free of error.

Assignment instructions:
1. In the textbook, review the example of an Observation essay, "Heart of Sand," by Anne-Marie Oomen. The author explains that people can understand the meaning of things through observation.

2. Write the rough draft of your essay. Your rough draft should be at least 500-750 words.
3. Refer to your observational field notes when writing this essay. Your observation notes are meant to help you generate ideas for your essay.
4. Include vivid verbs and precise, effective words in your essay to get your message across. Illustrate the theme/pattern you identified using details from all five senses.

5. Be sure to include the following:
· A thesis statement and introduction paragraph. Remember, a thesis is a defining sentence or set of sentences that establishes the purpose and position of your essay.

· Supporting Paragraphs

Any assistance is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much

A Walk Through the Royal Garden
Upon entering the store, tall displays of sweetly scented flowers line the gate to the produce department. An experience one cannot resist as they enter the store, almost magnetically drawn to walk the royal garden. Awesome splendor revealed by the astounding, picturesque displays screaming out to touch them; restless customers mesmerized by the resplendent colors are drawn to conceal a piece off every display, leaving them obliterated compelling faithful associates to scurry behind to recover the remains replenishing missing pieces.

Artistically designed to entice the customers, mammoth displays highlight feature items and seasonal produce. The vibrant sparkling citrus rainbow ribbon its shades of orange, yellow, green entrapping customers by the bright explosion of citric fireworks blast before your eyes. A massive display striped with a variety of Oranges, Lemons, Limes and Grapefruit mark the highlight of the citrus season. Accompanying them are the rich aromatic secondary displays of strawberries, blackberries and blueberries offer the customer healthy desert alternatives. In passing, memories of grandmother's freshly baked blackberry and strawberry-rhubarb mouth-watering pies fill the house. Scaling the wall of packaged salads, assortments of healthy choices baffle the minds. "Too many to choose from", exclaims one shopper as he gasps at his wife's instructions to choose something healthy. Like crossing a drawbridge and entering the castles courtyard of fruit and vegetables, the array of apples, pears and tropical fruits line the cases on the left. The center of the floor hosts heartier vegetables like potatoes, onions and squash. Ethnic society enjoys the extended displays of ripe plantains for deserts and roots as potatoes substitutes. The three tier case to the right pops with mixtures of red, green, yellow, orange peppers, cucumbers, radishes, lettuce and a variety of cooking vegetables standing at attention to salute the brave customers as they select their dinner delights. Accentuating the end of the vegetable case; as a well groomed garden, appearing neatly stacked broccoli crowns and tall pencil thin asparagus give lead to the monstrous eight foot orange block of carrots top to bottom. Although these displays seem to be built as a fortress, customers still penetrate their walls and desecrate their beauty.

Hustle and bustle is the theme as customers relentlessly push their way through the department. Some stop long lost friends engaging in conversations blocking others from their right of way. "Excuse me," an aggravated customer blurts out as she pushes her way through, not slowing to allow others time to respond to her demand to move out of the way. Crash!! The carts collide as she demonstrated her demolition derby driving skills; one might think they were actually in the bumper cars at a fair. Shoppers continue to pour in, selectively picking away at the displays, professionally examining every item for that flawless piece of fruit, totally untouched. Departing the department with heaping mounds of produce filled carts; delighted customers leave the arrangements destroyed like a hurricane blasted through for associates to recapture their flair.

Well trained associates, frantically return to the war torn battleground with replenished supplies to recapture the department's pre-shopped grandeur. One by one each associate prioritized a plan of attack. Nervousness emerged as the assessment grew dim. One associate bellows across the sales floor, "how in the world will this ever get back in shape?" They did not hasten, calling out recruits from the management office, rebuilding the displays were underway. Expressing gratitude and a sigh of relief, each of the employees stood proudly gazing at their success. "It's all about teamwork," one manager shared as he retreated back into the confines of his office, "great job recovering from the mad rush just now, let's be ready for the next wave." After every wave, there would be a lull in action, like calm before the storm. Taking advantage of these opportunities, everyone contributed to the refreshing of the royal garden.

The awesome splendor of the Royal Garden reappeared, astounding and picturesque as previous; restless customers mesmerized by the resplendent colors after annihilating numerous displays, faithful associates to scurried behind and recovered the original grandeur. The next time traveling into the local produce department, take a look around at the determination of the faithful associates dedicated to provide the freshest, eye appealing fruits and vegetables with heavenly displays constructed specifically for the loyal customer.

Respectfully,
Kevin Foster

Pond 2 / 3  
Apr 19, 2013   #2
I think you should write more briefly. This essay is too long and ease to take away reader's attention.


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