Common App - Need Help Forming A Meaningful and Flowing Essay

Hi guys,
I am currently in the process of writing my common application for colleges and I am unsure about how I should structure my paper in order to:

* Not overshoot the 650 word limit (maximum).
* Have my achievements and experiences flow and conclude elegantly.
* Avoid making it sound "unoriginal" and dull.

I've been brainstorming and I am have trouble linking my ideas and making them flow elegantly.

The prompt:
Some students have a background or a story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

A little about me (for the essay):
* I worked at W.B Mason this entire summer of 2013 (working 8-12 hour days) from monday to friday (and occasional Saturday mornings from 6AM to 11AM).

* I always made the B team for soccer until 8th grade when I made the A team as a starter (due to a lot of practice).

* Sophomore year I struggled an extreme amount in Accelerate Algebra and got my first C. I had an extremely hard time understanding the concepts and probably would've failed, however I stayed after at least once or twice a week every week with my math teacher to understand the concepts and I managed to pass the class with a C+ final grade (considered above average). Then junior year, I was a top student in the Honors Pre-Calculus, I got a A+ final grade and the teacher was thrilled when I asked her to write one of my teacher recommendations.

* I really love (like obsessed with ) computers and during the year of 2012 I accumulated money in order to purchase part for a Gaming PC. I successfully built the PC and have been currently using it for 9 months. However, prior to building the PC I did a boat-load of research about how to properly build one, found reasonable prices, and learned how a computer functions in order to ensure that I would successfully build it and to successfully convince my parents to let me make the big investment.

My plan:
* I really want to focus on how these achievements and experiences shaped my identity.
* I want to make it obvious that these achievement and experiences shaped me into someone recognizes the benefits of hard work and perseverance and how it's made me into someone that is never willing to give up.

I am not really sure how I can fit this massive amount of information into a 650-word essay that will conclude that my identity is one shaped by hard work and perseverance.

Any suggestions?

Thanks a lot!

Hi Wirb, I think the things you've done are incredible, and you can go a lot with it.
"What is the most important achievement to you, and why are you not you without it?" would be my approach for this essay.

You should focus more about 1 or 2 things that are so central to you, like your soccer career? How does it impact you? What have you learned from it? What's your passion, those types of questions you should ask yourself you know?

For this typical questions, I feel like you should focus about something you have been experienced through a long time in life or even your identity, ethnicity, those kinds of things, not just your achievements.

That's my opinion; hope I helped. Good luck with common app. I'm a senior too :D

Thank you for your suggestion on how I should approach the essay. These are really good questions that I will consider!