Question: Analyze and discuss attitudes and reactins toward the participation of women in the sciences during the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.
My Thesis attempt:
During the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries some women began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of sciences, and these women were met with a world wind of conflicting attitudes; the attitudes from enlightened intellectuals were positive, and as were the attitudes from fellow women scientists; but, attitudes from non-enlightened scientists and traditional women were negative and filled with discontent.
This is for a AP Euro History class. Our thesis are supposed to be one(long) sentence, and they must contain our 3 groupings(prove points)
Thanks!
During the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries some women began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of sciences, and these women were met with a world wind of conflicting attitudes
you mean whirlwind?
I think the thesis works though. It talks about your points and an organized manner.
During the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries some women began to break social norms as they ventured into the world of the sciences,"
As for the rest, "and these women were met with a whirlwind of conflicting attitudes; the attitudes from enlightened intellectuals were positive, and as were the attitudes from fellow women scientists; but, attitudes from non-enlightened scientists and traditional women were negative and filled with discontent." I suggest you rephrase, stating all three groups and their attitudes in parallel form.
That is good advice! Sometimes the teachers get so fixated on a particular form for something (in this case, a thesis statement), though, that they suck the life out of academic writing.
The context of the thesis statement is important, too! It seems goofy to require the kids to make the thesis all one long sentence.
It will even help to do it like this:
...these women were met with a whirlwind of conflicting attitudes: the attitudes from enlightened intellectuals were positive, as were the attitudes from fellow women scientists -- but, attitudes from non-enlightened scientists and traditional women were negative and filled with discontent."
One issue you face here also is that you need three points, but really only have two. There are positive attitudes and negative ones. You separate the positive ones into two separate groups (female scientists and enlightened intellectuals) but you don't do this for the negative ones (conservative thinkers and traditional women), so that the divisions seem unsatisfying. Perhaps you could mention specific distinctions between the attitudes of female scientists and enlightened intellectuals? Or think of a group that remained relatively neutral?
How about:
Women from the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries began to break the social norm as they ventured into the world of science, and were met with conflicting attitudes: while fellow women scientists were supportive, non-Enlightened scientists and traditional women were disapproving.
Trojan's revision is strong, but highlights the fact that you really only have two points, instead of three as the assignment asks for. Perhaps non-enlightened scientists and traditional women had different reasons for disapproving that you could highlight in your thesis statement?
