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Eng101 essay (personal essay); natural disater?



newworld 8 / 19  
Sep 13, 2007   #1
Hello ,

I need help to find the topic which is personal experience that altered your life.( for eng101) I have no idea otherthan natural disater . i have short time but i haven't choose the topic yet. could plz help me?

Thanks
newworld.

EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Sep 14, 2007   #2
Greetings!

Because this is a topic which is personal to you, I can't tell you specifically what you should write about, but I can suggest some things that might give you some ideas. Here are some personal experiences which people can have, which might alter their lives: death of a loved one; winning a contest or prize at school; being accepted into college; having your best friend move away; being in an accident (whether or not you were injured, if it changed your thinking about safety); hearing a stirring piece of music or watching a movie that inspired you; giving up a bad habit; acquiring or losing a pet; discovering you have a talent you never knew you had; meeting someone who helped you in an important way, or encouraged you to do things with your life you had not previously considered.

I hope this helps gets you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP newworld 8 / 19  
Sep 16, 2007   #3
Hello sarah,

Thanks for your ideas. Definatly this will help me to get started.
Thanks again!

Newworld
OP newworld 8 / 19  
Sep 20, 2007   #4
Hello,

I choose the biggest moment in my life that is childbirth. But i am worried about the audience. Is this suitable for eng101 narative essay.Because i think i can say more about that. Plz give me a good advice.Thanks for your previous ideas!

Thanks
Newworld
EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Sep 20, 2007   #5
Greetings!

I think it is all in how you write it. As long as you do not give medically graphic details that would be unpleasant to the reader, it should be fine. It gives you the opportunity to write about something that has an emotional content, which can be engaging for the reader. I'd be happy to help you with editing once you have a rough draft!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP newworld 8 / 19  
Sep 21, 2007   #6
Hello sarah,

Thanks for your help and advice! After i have a rough draft please Give your thougt.

Thanks again,
Newworld
OP newworld 8 / 19  
Oct 1, 2007   #7
Hello sara,

I pasted my presonal narrative essay here. Can you please edit?Also please give me the correction in grammer, punctuation and sentence structure. Is it a effective conclusion? If it is not plz give some ideas!

Thanks.

// removed //
EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Oct 2, 2007   #8
Greetings!

I have edited the first half for you, but because there are quite a few mistakes in grammar, punctuation and spelling, there is a limit to how much I can do on this free site. I would suggest that you run your paper through a spell-checker and also be aware of some basic rules:

1. Always put a space after a comma or period (but not before).
2. Watch your tenses; some of your writing is in the past tense, as it should be, but some is in the present tense.
3. Only capitalize proper nouns (names like Dr. Bansori), except for the pronoun "I" which is always capitalized.
4. Write out numbers less than 10. (terrible twos)

It was around 2.15 am. I was woken up by some sharp pains in my tummy. Initially, I thought it was a kick made by my unborn, baby-I was in my 39th week of pregnancy. I decided to eat something, but I did not want to disturb my husband.
OP newworld 8 / 19  
Oct 2, 2007   #9
Hello sara,

Thank you so much for editing my work!. I really appreciate it. I got your rules. Definately i will follow that. My paper lenght should be 3 to 4 pages long.I got two pages that until the part you corrected. You are right! I choose the tittle "motherhood". But the assignment is .. please see below

This assignment asks you to relate an experience that altered your life in some way. This event does not necessarily have to be one of the "biggies" in life (i.e. childbirth, death, religious rebirth).

So i wrote about the childbirth. Now could you please tell me what should i do?

Thanks again
Anu.
EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Oct 2, 2007   #10
Greetings, Anu!

The assignment instructions don't say that it can't be childbirth, so there really shouldn't be a problem with writing it on that topic. To stretch it to three pages won't be that difficult; just continue writing about what happened while you were in the hospital, and describe in more detail about the sleep deprivation and stress of new motherhood after you got home. It was the huge jump into the future, to the toddler years, that seemed out of place. Keep the continuity going, from the childbirth experience at the hospital to the period directly after that, at home, and your paper will flow much better. See if you can write the last page and then I can help you with some more editing. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Oct 5, 2007   #11
Greetings!

I've done some more editing for you:

After seeing the baby, we were very excited. But that didn't last long. I went on to more complications after that. Once Dr.Bansori finished with the placenta, she did the episiotomy: surgical cut. While she was doing the stitches, the pain blocker wore off. I was in so much pain, I started to cry. I told the doctor that it seemed unbearable. Soon they gave me the second dosage, then I was unconscious. I couldn't remember anything. But I heard from my husband that they took me to the operating room and finished the remaining suturing. My hubby said "Before you went to the OR they got my signature. I was frightened and couldn't enjoy my new fatherhood at that time". They neither allowed my husband with them nor allowed him to see me from outside.

It was 12.15 am. When I woke up, I was stunned and asked myself, "Where am I?" Because I was not in the labor room; nobody else was there. The room looked dingy with its yellow light and dark, dirty floor. I panicked. Then I rang the button for the nurse; I was wheeled to the nursery to see my baby and then I was moved to the recovery room by my wonderful nurse. Though I got disturbed sleep and emptied stomach, I nursed my baby three times that night. The nurse had said colostrum--first milk--was very nutritious. I wondered about that, when I nursed her for the first time; she was eating like a horse. We had spent three days at the hospital. I got the best service. Ovia was at the nursery while at the hospital.

At five in the afternoon, we returned home from the hospital. It was a bright sunny day. She blinked her eyes when she got the flashing sunbeam from a cloud. My mom received us at home. The early weeks of life with a new baby were a big challenge. I would say that postpartum period was very stressful, even more so than delivery. I was likely to feel exhausted, excited, frazzled, and sleep deprived; also scared, as a first time mom. As a small infant, she wanted to be held a lot and be close to me a lot. Of course, babies need and require a lot of attention. But they all went to work; [who went to work?] I still was on painkillers; no time to eat and less time to sleep; stacks of house chores; mountains of laundry: I felt overwhelmed. There was a huge difference between reading about sleep deprivation and actually living it. Because of my sleep deprivation I felt lethargy, irritability and difficulty in concentration. I guess much less sleep is an unspoken rule in motherhood. I kept on changing, feeding; all of a sudden, my entire world such as school, work, friends and relatives changed overnight. I hardly spent time with my husband, and had no time for myself.

Eight weeks later, I felt better and went to work: we left Ovia at the daycare. Things were really going well. But she often got sick while there. So I quit my job and stayed home with the baby.

...


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