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Explain introduction? - Statement of Purpose - SCAD (fashion design major)


alexiss1991 1 / -  
Jul 1, 2010   #1
I am currently working on a statement of purpose. Could you please let me know the adjustments i can do to my introduction to my essay.

This is the first sentence of my Statement of Purpose

Being a part of the Fashion Design program at SCAD will be an extraordinary opportunity for me to contribute to the on going research in fashion design, while providing me with a quality education from beginning to end.
vrajveer89 8 / 21  
Jul 2, 2010   #2
Being a part of the Fashion Design program at SCAD will be an extraordinary opportunity for me to contribute to the on going research in fashion design, while providing me with a quality education from beginning to end.

Being a part of the Fashion Design program at SCAD will be an extraordinary opportunity for me to contribute to the on going research in fashion design, and at the same time, get quality education.

Being a part of the Fashion Design program at SCAD will be an extraordinary opportunity for me to contribute to the on going research in fashion design, and at the same time, get exposed to quality education.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 4, 2010   #3
This sentence does not say anything at all.

If you are applying, it is obvious that you want to be part of Fashion Design program at SCAD and to contribute to the on going ongoing research in fashion design. So, you don't need to say this.

You don't need to say this, either:
, while providing me with a quality education from beginning to end.

If you want to write something memorable and impressive, say something meaningful. Give me your best sentence to explain why fashion is meaningful to you.


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