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Leader or event in history - Scholarship Essay for Admission



teenN_need 1 / -  
Jun 16, 2009   #1
Topic-Describe the leader or event in history that influenced your decision to pursue a career in diplomacy, intelligence and/or defense.

Question- I chose the Wright Brothers but I'm not sure on how to start off.

EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jun 17, 2009   #2
To get started, brainstorm all of the ways that the Wright Brothers inspired your decision to pursue a career in the listed fields. This will be the information in your essay. How you will organize it depends on what you want to say.

By way of an introduction, you might tell the story of the most inspirational (to you) aspect of the Wright Brothers' story.
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jun 17, 2009   #3
This should be an easy topic for you. The Wright brothers aren't the first people that most students would pick as key influences on their decision to go into diplomacy or intelligence work. You must have had strong reasons for choosing them, then, or you would have selected a more obviously relevant person or event. So, start by stating your main reasons for choosing them. As for how you organize it, its an admissions essay, so ideally the reasons you give will tie into positive character traits you yourself possess, that might make you seem like a good candidate for a scholarship. If you can make such a connection in your thesis, you can then use the entire essay to elaborate on the comparison. It is difficult to give you precise feedback, though, without some sort of draft. Perhaps you could take a shot at one, then post it here.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jun 17, 2009   #4
Yes -- I was thinking the same thing. There must be something about the Wright Brothers you've carried in your mind or heart for some years. Lead with that.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jun 18, 2009   #5
I see that this is frequently your only comment to other forum members. While I am glad that you so wholeheartedly wish others well, I'd like to see you offer more substantial comments whenever you can. Thank you!
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jun 18, 2009   #6
And comments that aren't helpful will be deleted anyway, and not count towards allowing you to create new threads. So, you should definitely make sure to post the same sort of feedback you would like to receive on your own threads when helping others.
sound10kp 5 / 12  
Jun 19, 2009   #7
You can start by saying how they used their intelligence to invent a plane and how you will use your intelligence in your field.
Good luck to you! :)


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