Relevatory thesis - Need help with narrowing thesis

Because of the fear of lawsuits by self-righteous parents, teachers' methods become limited by political correctness, which results in teachers nurturing students through assignments rather than allowing them independently to develop with some assistance and sheltering students from diversity and open-mindedness of society by limiting curriculum to what parents feel appropriate.

I'm having trouble with narrowing my thesis, making it more concise and revelatory. My original one was said to be too general and not narrow enough. Is this thesis' scope narrow? I thought it seemed to wordy, but I'm not sure.

What question are you hoping to answer, or what is it that you are attempting to convey through writing this thesis? E.g., Are you intending to focus on the limitations and pressures placed on teachers by...parents, society, etc.? Or are you intending to focus on student development and the specific reasons for why student development is inhibited (which may include a discussion about parental pressures, parental pressures towards teachers, peer pressures, etc.).


Is this opening statement your opinion, or does evidence exist to show that self-righteous parents are sue happy?

Once you clarify and narrow your topic, I think you will have a good foundation to build a really good and interesting thesis!

I've tried to change my thesis statement to make it more narrow and more agruable. Does this seem any better?

To avoid irate parents and their abuse of the system, teachers of high school students curve grades by offering extra credit and weighted test scores resulting in the lack of ability to do the work and the self-discipline needed in their first year of college.

The orginal topic was how are high schools destroying students first year of college?

Your statement is much more concise and clear. I now assume the thesis will explore and provide evidence to the 'what,' 'why,' and 'how' of the parental pressures impinged on teachers, the factors for why teachers curve grades and how this unsustainable model affects student participation and performance?! I would still heed caution stating, "To avoid irate parents..." Ensure there is enough quality evidence to support what appears to be a subjective statement.

Best regards!