is there a place I can go to where I can discuss my work with someone professional. I have a 4000 word research paper and I don't think it's fair to post something so lengthy and extensive. I have one on feminism in Tokyo and the influence of the urban space on the movement, another on Bruegel, 16th century painter and interpretting his work in relation to the reformation and the religious political movements in Antwerp where he lived for a while.
Here's my final draft, hows it look?
How's the flow and conclusion?
the help is very much appreciated!! :-)
(all sources are cited in my copy.)
The economic success and cultural and industrial diversity that exists today in Florida is due to the investments made in the late 19th and early 20th century by the great robber barons of that period. Many key players were involved in the development of certain cities in Florida and the state itself. As fate would have it, Henry Morison Flagler would live long enough to carry Florida far enough economically and socially to become what in my opinion it is today, one of the nation's modernized, highly developed, and diversified states. His vision for a winter getaway in Florida set into motion a chain of events that made the state the prosperous and diverse place it is today.
Mr. Flagler did not come from a wealthy family. His father did not make enough money to support the family and Flagler left home early to work and contribute. A firm work ethic and determination carried him far in life. Flagler's exemplary efforts soon became apparent to one of his first employers and as a result his pay rate was raised from $5 per week to $12 per week in only ten months!
Having adapted quickly to the commercial world Flagler soon began taking steps to build his empire. Through the course of his life, he was able to learn business strategies that would make him a major mogul of the 19th and early 20th century. He built significant business connections with highly successful men and saved money for his future investments. At only 22 years of age, he was already a partner in Harkness and Company. He built a great business reputation for astuteness and ingenuity that preceded him and secured his place and status in the business world.
Flagler was fortunate enough to suffer from unsuccessful business decisions very early in his career. The business world was then, and still is today, a forever-shifting domain. Experience and knowledge are among some of the important attributes needed to succeed. Flagler attempted to enter the salt business and invested a significant amount of money in it. Unfortunately, this venture failed and left him indebted to his family, who paid a large sum to cover his loses. Taking with him the knowledge he acquired from these experiences he persevered in nearly every business venture and never again suffered any significant losses like that of his failed salt venture.
After recovering from the loss and paying all his debtors he continued, no more wisely, to take up new projects. Collaborating with John D. Rockefeller and Samuel Andrews, Flagler made his fortune in the oil business and soon after reorganized their company to the Standard Oil Company, monopolizing the industry under their combined leadership. He was an aggressive business man, admired by his peers for his success and abilities.
Flagler had not intended on conquering Florida, he was satisfied with his established businesses, and came in 1878 only to escape the harsh northern weather and help with his wife's health. That would change, because following a second visit, this time to St. Augustine with his second wife (his first wife had passed), he found the accommodations there unsuitable for a person of his caliber. The following year, "in 1885 he began construction of the Ponce de Leon Hotel which would become the flagship of a chain of luxury hotels along the east coast of Florida."
Initially, Flagler intended to create suitable lodging that he and his peers could enjoy while visiting the state in the winter. This was the beginning of Flagler's Florida; he would soon take over the state's east coast and name his business empire after its geographic location, the Florida East Coast companies. His business empire consisted of prized, luxury hotels and the latest technological advances in railroad lines that transported his "wealthy winter clientele from the North."
At first, Florida government, under the governorship of Bloxham, was supportive of Flagler and afforded him preferential treatment. The Internal Improvement Board (IIB) was created in 1851. In 1855 the Internal Improvement Fund was created to replace the IIB and it was given more legislative authority. The IIF gave incentive to railroad companies, giving them 3840 acres for each mile of completed railroad tract. Following the Civil War came the financial ruin of many of the railroads that were deep in debt. Due to such financial difficulties affecting Florida's economy the state government at the time was happy to accommodate someone like Mr. Flagler, who could put much needed moneys back into the failing business systems in Florida.
Unfortunately, the cordial business relationship between Mr. Flagler and the state's government would not last. He had many difficulties with a corrupt government. One person in particular, Governor William Sherman Jennings (in office 1901-1905), made it his purpose in office to undo and prevent any of Flagler's business ventures in the state. He had to outsmart some highly influential individuals and organizations in Florida who were adamantly apposed to Flagler's plans for the state. Entrepreneurs who felt threatened by him created barriers and intended to manipulate the state's government against Mr. Flagler. Furthermore, the state's government was complex, inefficient, ineffective, and lacked direction.
Always prepared to meet a challenge, Mr. Flagler quickly put his trusted lieutenant, James E. Ingraham, to work on some of the legal issues involving the acquisition of land. The IIF continuously attempted to thwart Flagler's efforts and denied him the deeds to lands that had been promised to him. The State Attorney General, Park Trammell, ruled in favor of Flagler and the IIF was forced to give 67,000 acres that had been owed to him and 210,000 acres of land for other claims. Additionally, Flagler had been obtaining lands "through other corporate identities" and in this way, he was able to take his railroad to the southern most point of Florida, Key West. He continued with other business ventures in transportation and hotels, most notably the various Florida East Coast companies. Henry Morison Flagler accomplished nearly every objective he intended in the state, making Florida's east coast a vacation getaway with all the most luxurious conveniences available, and forever improving upon the state economy.
Here's my final draft, hows it look?
How's the flow and conclusion?
the help is very much appreciated!! :-)
(all sources are cited in my copy.)
The economic success and cultural and industrial diversity that exists today in Florida is due to the investments made in the late 19th and early 20th century by the great robber barons of that period. Many key players were involved in the development of certain cities in Florida and the state itself. As fate would have it, Henry Morison Flagler would live long enough to carry Florida far enough economically and socially to become what in my opinion it is today, one of the nation's modernized, highly developed, and diversified states. His vision for a winter getaway in Florida set into motion a chain of events that made the state the prosperous and diverse place it is today.
Mr. Flagler did not come from a wealthy family. His father did not make enough money to support the family and Flagler left home early to work and contribute. A firm work ethic and determination carried him far in life. Flagler's exemplary efforts soon became apparent to one of his first employers and as a result his pay rate was raised from $5 per week to $12 per week in only ten months!
Having adapted quickly to the commercial world Flagler soon began taking steps to build his empire. Through the course of his life, he was able to learn business strategies that would make him a major mogul of the 19th and early 20th century. He built significant business connections with highly successful men and saved money for his future investments. At only 22 years of age, he was already a partner in Harkness and Company. He built a great business reputation for astuteness and ingenuity that preceded him and secured his place and status in the business world.
Flagler was fortunate enough to suffer from unsuccessful business decisions very early in his career. The business world was then, and still is today, a forever-shifting domain. Experience and knowledge are among some of the important attributes needed to succeed. Flagler attempted to enter the salt business and invested a significant amount of money in it. Unfortunately, this venture failed and left him indebted to his family, who paid a large sum to cover his loses. Taking with him the knowledge he acquired from these experiences he persevered in nearly every business venture and never again suffered any significant losses like that of his failed salt venture.
After recovering from the loss and paying all his debtors he continued, no more wisely, to take up new projects. Collaborating with John D. Rockefeller and Samuel Andrews, Flagler made his fortune in the oil business and soon after reorganized their company to the Standard Oil Company, monopolizing the industry under their combined leadership. He was an aggressive business man, admired by his peers for his success and abilities.
Flagler had not intended on conquering Florida, he was satisfied with his established businesses, and came in 1878 only to escape the harsh northern weather and help with his wife's health. That would change, because following a second visit, this time to St. Augustine with his second wife (his first wife had passed), he found the accommodations there unsuitable for a person of his caliber. The following year, "in 1885 he began construction of the Ponce de Leon Hotel which would become the flagship of a chain of luxury hotels along the east coast of Florida."
Initially, Flagler intended to create suitable lodging that he and his peers could enjoy while visiting the state in the winter. This was the beginning of Flagler's Florida; he would soon take over the state's east coast and name his business empire after its geographic location, the Florida East Coast companies. His business empire consisted of prized, luxury hotels and the latest technological advances in railroad lines that transported his "wealthy winter clientele from the North."
At first, Florida government, under the governorship of Bloxham, was supportive of Flagler and afforded him preferential treatment. The Internal Improvement Board (IIB) was created in 1851. In 1855 the Internal Improvement Fund was created to replace the IIB and it was given more legislative authority. The IIF gave incentive to railroad companies, giving them 3840 acres for each mile of completed railroad tract. Following the Civil War came the financial ruin of many of the railroads that were deep in debt. Due to such financial difficulties affecting Florida's economy the state government at the time was happy to accommodate someone like Mr. Flagler, who could put much needed moneys back into the failing business systems in Florida.
Unfortunately, the cordial business relationship between Mr. Flagler and the state's government would not last. He had many difficulties with a corrupt government. One person in particular, Governor William Sherman Jennings (in office 1901-1905), made it his purpose in office to undo and prevent any of Flagler's business ventures in the state. He had to outsmart some highly influential individuals and organizations in Florida who were adamantly apposed to Flagler's plans for the state. Entrepreneurs who felt threatened by him created barriers and intended to manipulate the state's government against Mr. Flagler. Furthermore, the state's government was complex, inefficient, ineffective, and lacked direction.
Always prepared to meet a challenge, Mr. Flagler quickly put his trusted lieutenant, James E. Ingraham, to work on some of the legal issues involving the acquisition of land. The IIF continuously attempted to thwart Flagler's efforts and denied him the deeds to lands that had been promised to him. The State Attorney General, Park Trammell, ruled in favor of Flagler and the IIF was forced to give 67,000 acres that had been owed to him and 210,000 acres of land for other claims. Additionally, Flagler had been obtaining lands "through other corporate identities" and in this way, he was able to take his railroad to the southern most point of Florida, Key West. He continued with other business ventures in transportation and hotels, most notably the various Florida East Coast companies. Henry Morison Flagler accomplished nearly every objective he intended in the state, making Florida's east coast a vacation getaway with all the most luxurious conveniences available, and forever improving upon the state economy.
