Sufficient salary/ social environment/ creativity/ unique skills - career research essay thesis

I need help with writing a thesis for my career research essay. The thesis has to include on core reason as to why I chose this career and to elaborate what computer support jobs are.

Thesis: Computer management creates high demands for computer support jobs which provides me with experience in the tech field to advance in my career as a software developer.

My first reason was money, but it was rejected 3 times because it was too simple.
Essay prompt:"Your research paper content will consists of 50% material you located during your research and another 50% of discussion relating how you do or do not meet the specific information you discovered," Topics for each paragraph:Sufficient salary to meet your needs, appropriate job site social environment matching your personality, professional independence matching your own personal creativity and need for autonomy and opportunities to use your own unique skills, talents and experience.

I think you shouldn't focus on money as a core part of your essay.Basically,you must persuade the reader by focusing on how this job will fit you and how can you contribute to the community, before asking what they can give to you ask your self what you will bring as a value.

Do you think I could keep the part about getting experience in the tech field to become a software developer or should I make a whole new thesis completely?