ave great social skills
The phrase still refers to the original key phrase. LR scores are only increased by your alternate word references such as:
- People skills
- Pleasing character
- team players
Regardless, you have an excellent alternative response and thesis statement at the end. You established an interesting response statement.
That said, you used a comparative discussion in a single opinion essay. The idea is to convince the examiner that your opinion is valid based upon 2 defense points, discussed over 2 paragraphs. When you do not see the " compare/ discuss both views " instruction, you do not compare the 2 opinions. The reference to "or" in the instruction indicates a single opinion choice.
You don't get any scoring advantage for your first reasoning paragraph because it does not support your opinion. Athough the second paragraph illustrates your opinion, the discussion will still be seen as underdeveloped due to the 1 missing supporting paragraph. Additionally, your TA score based on clarity of opinion will be directly affected by the misplaced comparison paragraph.