Thesis Statement of "Performance Enhancing Drugs in Sport"

I need help with my thesis satement. Can someone take a look please and give me some suggestions?

Performance Enhancing Drugs in Sport

Should congress enforce stricter penalties for athlete's who test positive for using performance-enhancing drugs? These athletes are in the public eye and role models to many children as well as adults therefore, they should face consequences for the use of these illegal drugs.

Greetings!

I think you have a good start on your thesis statement, but it is a run-on sentence. I might suggest a couple of small changes:

Because athletes are in the public eye, their actions can affect the children and adults for whom they serve as role models. Therefore, athletes who use performance-enhancing drugs should face consequences for the use of these illegal substances.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help with my thesis for Performance - Enhancing Drugs and Athletes

I need some help making my thisis more arguable, and maybe worded a litte better.

This is what i have right now:

Due to the use of performance - enhancing drugs by professional athletes there has been increased use at the high school level, their athletics as well as academics are suffering because of the focus on the drugs athletes are using and the negative effects that they cause.

Any suggestions would be great!

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help! First off, your thesis is a run-on sentence. The first sentence should end at "level." Let's see if we can make it a little tighter: "Both athletics and academics at the high school level are suffering as students continually see news of their sports heroes' use of performance-enhancing drugs." You would then go on to explain the connection. There are many ways you could write the thesis; just remember to keep it succinct and to the point.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Thats great! Thanks