william college supplement; 'being on stage'

prompt: Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.　　

this is only the part of the essay, and it is a rough draft. I am an ESL student, so really bad at English. So do you understand what am I trying to say in my essay? Do I sound like a person who has depersonalization disorder? Did I answer the prompt? I try to be creative....

On stage, I felt like as if I was watching myself through a glass window. I stood under a single spotlight, alone. My face was flushing, my body and legs were trembling, and I was breathing rapidly to calm myself down. The audience was waiting for me to deliver my speech, but I could not open my mouth. On the other side of the transparent window, I was watching but can not do anything. The window prevent my thought to cross, and to give courage to myself overcoming fears of failure. I let stage fright attacked me. All my life, I had considered myself give up too easily when I face problems

I somewhat understand what you're trying to say and the point you're coming from. You have a good idea and with some editing and thought can be a good essay. There are also a lot of grammar errors that I could see. One advice is to try to talk about why you're up on that stage. what was the speech for? what did it mean to you giving the speech? how did you do? stuff like that.

I think you should also write about your qualities, not only your weakness. Do you still give up too easily? Did that speech change you?

And I think you didn't answer the part of "why it is meaningful to you."

Good luck!!