"my Bachelor's in Accounting" - my admission into graduate school

Hello,

Here is my accounting essay to get into graduate school. I would like to get some advice and comments in the beginning part of the essay. Please read and let me know what you think.

Best Regards,

Jackie

As a recent graduate from Bryant University, with my Bachelor's in Accounting, I received a well-rounded education in accounting, complemented by a minor in history. During my final semester, I became interested in financial planning after choosing an elective. My interest into financial planning grew even more with current economic instability. I feel that if I expand my knowledge I will be able to help others succeed as I would like to.

After graduation, I started to work at a fragrance, flavor and extract plant. I started as a lab technician, but was not limited to only working in the lab. I am currently helping the company change operating systems, by inputting the necessary data into QuickBooks.

I chose Sacred Heart University's MBA program because it prepares students to excel in a global business environment. Admission to the Sacred Heart University school of business will allow me pursue and achieve all of my goals with confidence. Additionally, I feel that living at home with allow me to focus on my school work and rid any distractions that's could arise.

My interest into financial planning grew even more with the onset of the current economic instability.

Additionally, I feel that living at home with allow me to focus on my school work and rid any distractions that's could arise .---Are you saying that the school is local, so you won't have to move or travel, or that you live with your parents? The last sentence seems out of place. I think you should either elaborate on it or cut it.

:)