Hello everyone, I need feedback and help to edit my essay for SLC's Human Genetics Graduate Program. Essay has 1000 word limit and my essay is certainly at the limit. Any comment will be highly appreciated. Thank you in advance to all of you, here is my essay.
(p.s- i did not know how to wrap it up, I also welcome ideas on how to wrap up a autobiography :) )
I was born in Izmir, a charming city by the Aegean coast of Turkey, on June 13, 1991. As a human being living for 21 years, I think my family shaped my personality and made me who I am. As author Elizabeth Berg said; "You are born into your family and your family is born into you. No returns. No exchanges." I was born into a family that bears resemblance to a star on the verge of a sudden collapse. My grandfather was perfect example to a self-made wealth. During his adolescence, he began trading with his older brother when their father passed away and they left alone with their mother and sister. Then with the help of some acquaintances, my grandfather and his brother started a trading business and they opened their own shop. In following years, their business began growing and from 1950s to beginning of 1990s, for almost four decades, my grandfather remained as a successful businessman. While his business was blooming, he married and had 3 children. His one and only son, his heir to his business was my father. Thanks to his growing fortune, he expended his business areas, traveled around world, donated money to charities, sent his children to private schools and bought always the best for his wife. But nothing can go perfect all the time. After mid-80s, his business started to get shaken. As Aristotle said, "The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead." Because my grandfather had not had any real business education, at some point after long years in the business, he made bad decisions and there were no turning points. Once a huge shiny star soon it will turn into a black hole. Those were the days, when my father married to my mother and 9 months later, I was born into that black hole era. I grew up in a large family, where we all live under the same roof. It was nice to feel joy and warmth of a big family despite all those horrid times for business. We had a huge rosewood dinner table, where we gather around and had long dinners. I grew up with knowing the importance of a family and the values that comes with it. When I was 7 years old, we lost all of our money. All of a sudden my big family fell apart, my grandparents had gone to abroad urgently like going into exile. My parents and I moved to a separate place. In the blink of an eye, that black hole devoured everything we had, the joy, warmth and unity. With the help of that bitter experience at an early age, I understood the importance of making good decisions, trusting right people and working hard. I grew up learning that education is a vital part of one's life. Because my father had not gone into college, he had difficult time finding a job after bankruptcy. Later; with the help of our remained influential acquaintances, he had a job at a government establishment as a security guard. It was hard for all of us, especially for my grandparents. Once upon a time they were eating from gilded plates but after losing everything, they had hard time to survive, living a small 1 bedroom apartment with my aunt, far from everyone they knew. I started elementary school with bittersweet experiences and I worked hard since the first grade. Because I knew that I had to work hard to make my way out in life and I had nothing to rely on; no trust funds, no inheritances. When I started elementary school, my mother was pregnant to my sister. She was born in the middle of my fall semester. Our nuclear family was happy despite difficulties. At the time around my sister was 1.5 years old, my parents realized problems in her motor learning skills. Then extensive doctor appointments began for her. After several tests done, it was revealed that she has a rare disorder called Succinic Semialdehyde Dehydrogenase Deficiency (SSADHD). It is actually a rare autosomal recessive disorder and seen in consanguineous families but there was no consanguinity between my parents. It has been identified in approximately 400 to 500 families around world. After learning about my sister's disorder, my parents began to sending her to special education school for group and individual therapies to develop her motor learning and speaking skills. Especially my mother committed her life to my sister ever since then and all these experiences in my early childhood made me a precocious child. I was self-conscious and shy. I was focused more on my classes. After I got into one of the prestigious and old high schools in my city, I realized that I was becoming more confident and also I developed an interest for science and in particular, biology. Also with my sister's disorder, we had some basic information about genetics too. After focusing on science in high school, I chose to study Molecular Biology and Genetics. I was curious because I wonder to learn more about her disorder and other genetic disorders, I was wondering how it could happen. Also doing research was making me happy. During the first year of college, I developed an interest for plants and studied plant genetics for almost 3 years. On my third year, I took Human Genetics and despite my rote learning-loving professor and his 10-page-answer exams, I was still able to enjoy it. Over my internship in Ohio State University, beside my wet-lab research on plants, I read about my sister's disorder and recent developments from different papers. At the end of summer, I learned about genetic counseling and realized how important it was to families. Because if my family had genetic counseling at both during and post-pregnancy, our situation would be different. I developed a huge interest for Genetics Counseling over a short time but I believe that I will commit myself to this area with all my effort.
(p.s- i did not know how to wrap it up, I also welcome ideas on how to wrap up a autobiography :) )
I was born in Izmir, a charming city by the Aegean coast of Turkey, on June 13, 1991. As a human being living for 21 years, I think my family shaped my personality and made me who I am. As author Elizabeth Berg said; "You are born into your family and your family is born into you. No returns. No exchanges." I was born into a family that bears resemblance to a star on the verge of a sudden collapse. My grandfather was perfect example to a self-made wealth. During his adolescence, he began trading with his older brother when their father passed away and they left alone with their mother and sister. Then with the help of some acquaintances, my grandfather and his brother started a trading business and they opened their own shop. In following years, their business began growing and from 1950s to beginning of 1990s, for almost four decades, my grandfather remained as a successful businessman. While his business was blooming, he married and had 3 children. His one and only son, his heir to his business was my father. Thanks to his growing fortune, he expended his business areas, traveled around world, donated money to charities, sent his children to private schools and bought always the best for his wife. But nothing can go perfect all the time. After mid-80s, his business started to get shaken. As Aristotle said, "The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead." Because my grandfather had not had any real business education, at some point after long years in the business, he made bad decisions and there were no turning points. Once a huge shiny star soon it will turn into a black hole. Those were the days, when my father married to my mother and 9 months later, I was born into that black hole era. I grew up in a large family, where we all live under the same roof. It was nice to feel joy and warmth of a big family despite all those horrid times for business. We had a huge rosewood dinner table, where we gather around and had long dinners. I grew up with knowing the importance of a family and the values that comes with it. When I was 7 years old, we lost all of our money. All of a sudden my big family fell apart, my grandparents had gone to abroad urgently like going into exile. My parents and I moved to a separate place. In the blink of an eye, that black hole devoured everything we had, the joy, warmth and unity. With the help of that bitter experience at an early age, I understood the importance of making good decisions, trusting right people and working hard. I grew up learning that education is a vital part of one's life. Because my father had not gone into college, he had difficult time finding a job after bankruptcy. Later; with the help of our remained influential acquaintances, he had a job at a government establishment as a security guard. It was hard for all of us, especially for my grandparents. Once upon a time they were eating from gilded plates but after losing everything, they had hard time to survive, living a small 1 bedroom apartment with my aunt, far from everyone they knew. I started elementary school with bittersweet experiences and I worked hard since the first grade. Because I knew that I had to work hard to make my way out in life and I had nothing to rely on; no trust funds, no inheritances. When I started elementary school, my mother was pregnant to my sister. She was born in the middle of my fall semester. Our nuclear family was happy despite difficulties. At the time around my sister was 1.5 years old, my parents realized problems in her motor learning skills. Then extensive doctor appointments began for her. After several tests done, it was revealed that she has a rare disorder called Succinic Semialdehyde Dehydrogenase Deficiency (SSADHD). It is actually a rare autosomal recessive disorder and seen in consanguineous families but there was no consanguinity between my parents. It has been identified in approximately 400 to 500 families around world. After learning about my sister's disorder, my parents began to sending her to special education school for group and individual therapies to develop her motor learning and speaking skills. Especially my mother committed her life to my sister ever since then and all these experiences in my early childhood made me a precocious child. I was self-conscious and shy. I was focused more on my classes. After I got into one of the prestigious and old high schools in my city, I realized that I was becoming more confident and also I developed an interest for science and in particular, biology. Also with my sister's disorder, we had some basic information about genetics too. After focusing on science in high school, I chose to study Molecular Biology and Genetics. I was curious because I wonder to learn more about her disorder and other genetic disorders, I was wondering how it could happen. Also doing research was making me happy. During the first year of college, I developed an interest for plants and studied plant genetics for almost 3 years. On my third year, I took Human Genetics and despite my rote learning-loving professor and his 10-page-answer exams, I was still able to enjoy it. Over my internship in Ohio State University, beside my wet-lab research on plants, I read about my sister's disorder and recent developments from different papers. At the end of summer, I learned about genetic counseling and realized how important it was to families. Because if my family had genetic counseling at both during and post-pregnancy, our situation would be different. I developed a huge interest for Genetics Counseling over a short time but I believe that I will commit myself to this area with all my effort.