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'emphasis on individual' - Sarah Lawrence College supplement

charliesun 9 / 28  
Dec 22, 2008   #1
I did research the school a lot but I wonder whether this essay hit the question well.Please give me some advice, and thanks!

2. We assume that you have changed throughout your high school years, and we are curious to hear what experiences and challenges in the past four years have influenced who you have become. We are also interested in how these changes have led you to apply to Sarah Lawrence College. What is it about the college and its unique educational structure that leads you to think that you will be a good fit? How will the college help you fulfill your goals?

Applying for Sarah Lawrence College is not a sudden impulsion but a first choice after careful consideration. I believe that there are two points in Sarah Lawrence's unique Philosophy that I will be a good fit.

First, Sarah Lawrence puts an extreme emphasis on individual. Being a person who changed from competitive to cooperative, I wish to unite excellent individuals in Sarah Lawrence, searching solutions for the academic and artistic problems that couldn't be solved by individuals. From my graduation of high school in 2007 till today, I spent most time joining the team of SIFE (Students In Free Enterprise) in Shanghai Institution of Foreign Trade to improve my experience and ability. At first, after passing the test and interview of team-admission successfully, I attended many projects such as selling tea and looking for investment for patentees. Always being independent and not relying on others, I chose to work alone: market research, business plan, business negotiation... I put lots of energy but gained little progress in two months. Then I realized the importance of cooperation. Projects needs team work, and cooperation can bring efficiency. So I changed my way of working: I communicated and helped my other team members initiatively; we shared our ideas and experience. Due to my passion and diligence, I soon became one of the project leaders. And we've got great achievements. According to three fundamental values which Sarah Lawrence is based on mentioned in the Karen R. Lawrence (president of Sarah Lawrence)'s letter, Sarah Lawrence puts a strongly intense focus on the individual. And The "Mission and Method of a Sarah Lawrence Education" also mentions that it is through practices centering upon the growth of the individual that the college's educational aims and objectives are realized. However, no matter how advanced the engine is, without tires and gas, Porsche is nothing but a trash. And the splendid pyramids were not built by several outstanding pharaohs. The infinite power belongs to team not individual. Besides, I believe that different elements are potentially related, like the invention of radar was enlightened by bat. Sarah Lawrence does have numerous elites of different specialities, and I wish I could not only contribute myself as an individual but also combine all others' intellectual marrow, making most of the potential of group as well as individual.

Second, Sarah Lawrence's philosophy encourage transcending any intellectual and creative limitations, which is the faith I've always been holding. I used to be addicted to computer games at the first year of my high school. After getting over the indulgence of it, I didn't just get away from games; instead, I wanted to change it to a new system called "gamepedia" obtaining joy of game as well as knowledge of encyclopedia; I wanted to integrate entertainment and education that are elsewhere conceived of as mutually exclusive. And this is what Sarah Lawrence's philosophy advocates: seek to integrate elements in education that are elsewhere conceived of as mutually exclusive. This distinctive college's other specific characteristics like "no departmental syllabi, standard textbooks or fixed teaching procedures" and "encourage students to build their own concentrations, selecting courses tailored to their interests and abilities, as well as to their career goals" also reflect high humanistic and free stance. Sarah Lawrence can provide my creativity a fully developing space, and provide me a path leading to the invitation of "gamepedia" instead of absorbing facts and figures or producing academic clones. And I wish I could use my creative minds to give a new definition of the college's elements that seem mutually exclusive: reason and imagination, subject matter and personal experience...digging out all potential value as much as possible, making every bit of them used fully and entirely.

Finally, the abbreviation of my name is CLS, and the abbreviation of Sarah Lawrence College is SLC. I'm very interested and expectant in the integration of these two mutually exclusive elements. What about you?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 23, 2008   #2
You have a habit of using the wrong word, or at least the wrong word form. So,

"Applying for Sarah Lawrence College is not a sudden impulse "

"First, Sarah Lawrence puts an extreme emphasis on individualism .
"I communicated and helped my other team members initiatively" Initatively is not an English word. You would have to revise the sentence to something along the lines of "I communicated with my other team members and took the initiative in helping them."

And so on.

I'd go through the entire essay, paying close attention to your diction and how it can be improved, then post the revisions for further comment.

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