"to bring representation of my Filipino culture to OIG" - personal history statement

The school is requesting I write two essays a statement of purpose and a personal history statement.

Here are the requirements for the personal history statement (copied directly from the application)
"In an essay, discuss how your personal background informs your decision to pursue a graduate degree. Please include any educational, familial, cultural, economic, or social experiences, challenges, or opportunities relevant to your academic journey; how you might contribute to social or cultural diversity within your chosen field; and/or how you might serve educationally underrepresented segments of society with your degree."

I am pursuing a degree for a specific purpose to move up in my agency of course! I know from researching in this agency that we've done massive hires, but according to my research the minority hiring done recently were all males and the quarter prior to that we hired minorities in both genders, but in my specific ethnic group only males were hired. Should I mention the specific reports I've found stating this information?

I am not sure this is what they're looking for when they say "how you might contribute to social or cultural diversity w/in your chosen field). I'm a woman and I'm pacific islander...

So far, my essay is one page (front and back)... I've discussed mostly my work history so far.

I'm stuck on the statement of purpose, as well, but I will work on it first and post again with specific questions.

Thanks in advance for your insight and help!

(Here is my inital draft of this section)
SSA has always encouraged diversity. In fact, over 70% of its employees are woman, but looking at the senior staff of SSA OIG, one can see that the ratio of men to woman is 5:2 and no one is (or none are?) of Asian or Pacific Islander descent. The OIG Semi Annual Report to Congress (Fall 2010) also discusses their efforts to increase diversity, but their most recent increases to minorities were only males. In the report prior, they state that Hispanic and Black employees?/numbers were increased in both genders, but the Pacific Islander minority was only increased by males. I hope to bring representation of my Filipino culture to OIG and I believe I can contribute a unique prospective...

Does this sound appropriate so far?

Ok, so I think I've polished my personal history a bit more (with some help) and I'd like to ask for some feedback on the entire essay.

PERSONAL HISTORY

While working at a veterinary office, I had the opportunity to assist the veterinarian in a necropsy of a large Rottweiler. Once the procedure was underway, and I was elbow deep in the chest of the dog, I found myself pondering why I was in this situation. I had to know why this dog had passed away. I couldn't turn away from the desire to find out. If there is one question that has plagued me throughout my adult life, it is the question of why.

My education and work history is quite eclectic. I have worked or interned in several different industries, and I have approached every position with ardor. In each field of employment I've maintained, the question of why has driven my passion. In addition to my time working in the veterinary field, I have also held positions with the San Francisco District Attorney's office at the Consumer Protection Department, and the Social Security Administration.

I started at the veterinary hospital as a client service representative, and worked closely with the doctors assisting whenever I could. My drive and curiosity quickly impressed my employers, and before long I was asked to begin training as a veterinary technician. I eagerly accepted the new position, and jumped into my new duties with enthusiasm. Trying to determine why an animal is hurt or ill can be challenging, especially considering they cannot vocalize their ailment or symptoms. I learned that not all questions can be answered simply by asking, and that conducting my own study was a necessity.

At the consumer protection agency I acted as a mediator, and would investigate the complaints of consumers against various businesses. In this position I was required to research case law along with the history of the companies in order to mediate a decision that was amicable to both parties. Mediation involves numerous steps, and each is a vital piece of reaching a resolution. It was my responsibility to discover the reason for the dispute, and determine if the complaint was legitimate. My duties also included determining a course of action, and insuring both parties would come together to resolve the issue.

My current position is with the Social Security Administration, and this employment opportunity has been the most challenging I have undertaken. The vast and ever-changing policies and procedures the Social Security Administration incorporates require that I remain constantly updated on the newest and most pertinent information. Almost every client I deal with has questions that necessitate detailed knowledge of the policies related to their unique cases. The client's individual benefits, income, and living arrangements can augment the complexity of each case, and it is my job to delve through the massive amounts of information in order to explain or change the record whenever necessary.

At first glance, these jobs do not appear to have much in common, but they all forced me to strive to solve the mystery of why. After a recent self-evaluation, I discovered this link in my job history, and have decided to pursue a career as an investigator with the Social Security Administration's Office of Inspector General (OIG).

SSA has always believed in and encouraged diversity, as shown by the 70% female workforce boasted by SSA. However, if we examine the department of OIG and it's senior staff one can see that the ratio of men to women is 5:2 and none are of Asian or Pacific Islander descent. The OIG Semi Annual Report to Congress (Fall 2010) also lists their efforts to increase diversity, but their most recent increases to minorities were all male hires. The Spring 2010 report reveals the increases in the Hispanic and Black employees represented in both genders, but the Pacific Islander minority was only increased by male hires. This disparity within the agency brings me back to that ever present question, why? I hope to answer this question by bringing representation of my Filipina culture to OIG. I believe I can contribute a unique prospective to the department as well as the agency as a whole.

What does this have to do with the "why" theme? Wrap up the paragraph by adding one more sentence to relate it back to the theme.

Oh, I see that you do make the connection later... when you acknowledge that they seem unrelated but assert that they all involve the why question. But in that sense, you could say the same about every job. I think if you want to be able to make that claim you need one example for each... and not just an example of how it relates to that question (because anything can relate to that question), but actually an example of the thoughts you had in your reflection during those experiences and perhaps how they relate to your current decision and planning.

This sentence seems like 2 jammed into one:
I am pursuing a degree for a specific purpose to move up in my agency of course!
It should be like this:
I am pursuing a degree for a specific purpose: to move up in my agency, of course!

:-)