Career progression to date, career goals, why MBA, why this program?

I am applying for an MBA program that requires a one-page essay summarizing my career and academic goals. I tried to hit 3 main areas: my career progression to date, career goals and why an MBA, and why this particular program. I'm struggling to say the least. I need to narrow this to one page, and I'm especially struggling with a closing statement. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!

The constantly changing environment of the petroleum industry presents many challenges. Knowledge of the industry, along with good business acumen, is required to make quick, strategic business decisions. The Executive MBA program at XXXXX can provide me with the business skills required to make these critical decisions. The AACSB accredited XXXXX MBA represents a great value and essential addition to my technical background that will help accelerate my career in business management.

While attending XXXXXXX University for my undergraduate degree in chemistry, I was awarded a summer internship with XXXXXX. After earning a Bachelor of Science degree in 2001, my employment with XXXXXXX continued as a QA/QC chemist. During my four years in this role, I gained an understanding of the products manufactured by XXXXXX. In early 2006, I was given the task of relocating a hydrotreating pilot plant from XXXXXX to XXXXXX, setting up the equipment, and managing the operations going forward. This project created XXXXXXX Process and Product Development (PPD) Facility.

While managing and operating the PPD Facility, I am able to use my experience, education, and mechanical aptitude to refine XXXXXX hydrotreating process and evaluate new potential petroleum feedstock components and hydrotreating catalysts. This position has also allowed me to be innovative and demonstrate my organizational skills, self-motivation, and dedication. The information generated from the various pilot evaluations allows the management group to make strategic business decisions regarding feedstock and catalyst procurement. This decision making process roused my interest in obtaining a graduate degree in business and the desire to be involved in management.

I have become very interested in the different factors that are associated with making business decisions, including economics, finance, and operations management. An MBA from XXXXX would immediately provide me with the business skills needed to be a more valuable member of the management team. In addition, this degree would provide the training needed to achieve my short-term goal of becoming an operations manager at XXXXXXX production hydroplant. While managing the hydroplant, I would gain valuable experience supervising both salaried and bargaining unit employees while increasing my knowledge of XXXXXXX full scale manufacturing process.

The ever-changing climate of the petroleum industry commands XXXXXXX to continuously look for new ways to stay competitive. A major factor of XXXXXX competitive edge is feedstock supply and utilization. My long-term goal is to become heavily involved in strategic raw material procurement. The challenges of this area, including team-building and management, are very attractive to me. My knowledge of the company's products and processing capability have given me a solid background of XXXXXXX manufacturing processes, but the XXXXXX MBA will give me a solid understanding of XXXXXX as a business (economic decision analysis, financial planning, etc.). This education would open the opportunities necessary to accomplish both my short-term and long-term goals.

There are many MBA programs to choose from, but the Executive MBA Program at XXXXXX is my choice for several reasons. As a recent participant of XXXXXX MBA certificate program, I had the opportunity to meet XXXXX business faculty and experience the different instruction styles first hand. Additionally, as an AACSB accredited program, XXXXXX MBA presents a great value when compared to other area programs, and the Saturday only schedule allows me to continue my career without interruption. XXXXXX program also offers several courses that are of particular interest to me, including Managerial Economics, Financial Management, Operations Management, and Supply Chain Management.

While XXXXXX MBA program will provide me with a wealth of knowledge, I hope to provide something to the program in return. As an employee of one of the area's only oil refineries, I hope to bring unique ideas and experiences to the classroom. My chemistry background will also add to the diversity of the cohort. Just as I experienced during the MBA certificate program, I expect to learn from the other students in addition to the instructors.

After this sentence, you should add a sentence that succinctly backs up the claim. The essay itself will back it up, but this intro para is too short and it could benefit from the addition of a sentence that tells in a succinct, clear way the main idea of what you are doing. Add a sentence that tells why this school is better than other options. I know that is hard to do, but you must have a reason for choosing this school. Even if you have other schools in mind, you can come up with a sentence that makes this school particularly appropriate for you (you personally, with your unique outlook).

So... add that thesis statement, the most memorable sentence of the essay!

After writing that thesis statement, add a sentence to the beginning of para #2. Review the definition of "topic sentence." Add a topic sentence that shows how these accomplishments you describe in para #2 demonstrate the truth of your thesis statement.

For example, if the last sentence of paragraph one establishes a theme of "keeping my options open as I continue to learn," you can add a topic sentence to para #2 that tells the reader, "I have been trying to keep all my options open in recent years by focusing on... (i.e. certain aspects of chemistry.)

Even though you have 3 areas of focus for this essay, add a thesis statement to the end of para #1, and let that statement establish a UNIFYING THEME for all three parts of the essay.

Thanks Kevin, that helps a lot.