Requirement: It should describe your academic interests and your purpose and objectives in undertaking graduate study.
The butterfly effect refers to a popular hypothetical example of chaos theory--how small initial differences may lead to severe unforeseen consequences over time. I first came across the idea through the homonymous movie, and I did not stop believing it was just the movie plot until a global financial crisis hit China unexpectedly in 2008. Then I began to wonder why a regional financial crisis in the U.S. would finally get almost every country involved.
Eager to find out the reasons, I started to read relevant articles online to learn how the crisis was triggered and escalated. With little professional knowledge, I had great difficulty in understanding the terminologies, let alone underlying theoretical principles. Nonetheless I was not discouraged; inspired by the obstacles instead, I could not stop seeking more materials to have a thorough understanding. Upon going to college, therefore, I chose to major in quantitative economics to explore the complicated economic and financial world.
Expectedly, I gained a comprehensive mastery of fundamental principles of economics from quite a few specialized courses and was able to analyze the mechanism of daily economic events. Besides, I also laid a solid foundation in mathematics and statistics through such courses as Mathematical Analysis, Probability and Mathematical Statistics, paving good way for understanding economic and financial models and doing quantitative analysis. Meanwhile, I immersed myself in programming and studying statistical software. So far I have mastered C++, SAS, Eviews, Stata, etc.
Rather than confining to learning knowledge and developing skills, I actively put what I had acquired into practice through researches. Right after finishing courses of my freshman year, I participated in a national research project that aimed to study the current situation of rural-urban migration in China. I traveled for twenty-six hours by train to the remote Anxin Town in Hebei Province to gather primary statistics. When I was on the train, I started conversations with strangers to get valuable information about local political and economical situations. After interviewing over two hundred villagers within five days, I gained an authentic set of data about population transfer, land resources, etc. Based on the primary data, I performed an in-depth quantitative analysis on the correlation between the rate of rural-urban migration and family income, resulting in a regression model to demonstrate the causal relationship. As the team leader, I endeavored to create a positive and active working atmosphere by encouraging my teammates to express their opinions and complaints freely. Through this experience, I significantly sharpened my quantitative analysis and modeling skills, and enhanced my face-to-face communicative skills and leadership abilities.
Aware of the importance to connect myself to the real word, I initiatively sought internship opportunities to hone my skills. My internship at OC&C Strategy Consultant, in particular, has taken me a leap forward, not only further strengthening my analytical capacities, but also teaching me to work under pressure. On my business trips to Beijing and Guangzhou, I was charged to interview hundreds of customers from different backgrounds to gain their feedback of shopping experiences in big malls. Under the pressure to accomplish my assignment in two weeks, I learned to keep myself level-headed and communicate effectively with the interviewees, particularly those uncooperative or offensive. Then I conducted a detailed analysis to study the main influential factors on the malls' operation and prepared a comprehensive report. The intensive work made me aware the demanding requirements of careers, and motivated me to make efforts to be a competent candidate.
Impressed by my outstanding performance in research, internship and others, Professor Yen-Teik Lee from the School of Finance invited me to join his project of investigating the impact of clawback compensation on corporate performance. I was assigned to process thousands of company provisions in publicly-traded firms, and build a clawback sample with 1636 firm-year observations for further analysis. The sample was subsequently used to build a model to study the impact of clawback compensation provisions. Surprisingly, we found that there was indeed a strong negative relation between voluntary clawback adoption and firm innovation. This experience woke me up to the huge practicality of finance that can guide firms to maximize profits and minimize risks by identifying correlations and providing strategies, so my aspiration to engage in the financial industry was aroused.
After serious consideration, I made up my mind to pursue further studies first to build a solid expertise and prepare for a career in the financial sector. I am glad to find that the MSc Finance and Economics programme provided by LSE is a good fit for me. It can give me formal instructions of model adaptation and test, which makes well-known models applicable to new market environments. Its rigorous curriculum can enable me to develop analytical thinking and critical analysis abilities. Besides, its well-rounded career services can help me make future career choices and raise the possibilities for me to be employed by pronounced corporations that can provide me with invaluable experience.
After graduation, I hope to land a job as a quant at an investment bank to further train myself in quantitative analysis and reinforce my financial skillset. For the first three to five years, I plan to serve as an associate to gain an in-depth insight of corporate businesses and develop transferable skills. After accumulating experience and expanding social network, I will become a vice president and then managing director to lead high-level projects and control overall risks in a company. In the long run, I aspire to start my own company to provide financial consulting services for Chinese enterprises and contribute my share to their prosperity. I believe your distinguished programme can enable me to materialize my career planning.
Equipped with a strong foundation in quantitative economics, rich experience in modeling and quantitative analysis, and strong interpersonal skills, I believe I can quickly adapt to your programme and put on outstanding academic performance afterwards. With world-leading faculty and top-notch resources, your programme, I am convinced, will offer me a worthwhile learning journey.
Zhang, this is a highly comprehensive personal statement. It is quite informative and really covers all aspects of your academic interests. You really have a diverse academic exposure that should help you adjust to your masters degree studies for sure. However, not all of the information that you provided regarding your academics are necessary. There are only 2 focal points in this essay that should be seen in your essay; the academic interests that are related to your chosen masters course and your purpose in enrolling. The academic is very well represented in the essay. However, your goal seems to have gotten lost in all of the information that you presented.
If you want to really get this essay started on the right track, take paragraph 8 and 9 and bring it up in the essay. Make it paragraph 1 and 2 instead. Those 2 paragraphs really present the reason, goal, and purpose of your advanced studies. Therefore, it should not be buried at the end of the extremely long essay. This is the hook that will reel in the reviewer. Not the chaos theory. That is something that does not directly tie in with the prompt and can really be done away with.
It is also extremely important that you cut down on the length of the essay because right now, it is too verbose when it doesn't need to be. You don't really need to discuss your knowledge of computer software, it is not directly related to your interest in finance and economics. Remove any and all references to subjects not related to your masters degree of interest. The reviewer does not have any interest in that and it will not help him judge your preparedness for the course. Just mention all your academic interests related to finance and economics.
Your internship is also not needed in this essay. That is supposed to be placed in a different essay prompt. In fact, I agree with Shiyun that the other information that you placed in this essay is unnecessary because it should be in your CV and transcript of records which you will submit with this application. Try to provide only the information that is required because if you present information that the reviewer does not require in the essay, he may decide not to finish reading your essay. Thinking that you do not know how to follow instructions and therefore, are not ready for a masters degree course. I would normally insist that it be presented as part of the essay. However, this essay has specific information requirements so it will be best to simply follow the instructions and provide what it is they ask for. Stick to academics. This is the one time that a detailed discussion of your related college courses and other seminars attended will prove to be useful :-)
I hope you won't take my advice negatively. I am just trying to get you back on track with your essay and hopefully, enhance your chances at gaining admission to the university of your choice :-)
Zhang, when you present your purpose for higher academic study, be more specific about your career path. There are many careers and positions related to the field of risk management. As such, you need to be more specific about your career goals. Simply enumerating the general understanding or definition of a risk management career is not enough. When you say that this course is a perfect fit for your career goal, delve into specifics. Basically, you should use the first paragraph of your essay more effectively by outlining the rest of the discussion that will be found in the essay. Try to come up with a more interesting hook for the reviewer. If you were to have a reviewer look over your current essay, it will appear to him that there is really nothing of interest to be found in your succeeding paragraphs. Mainly because your first paragraph does not offer information that could excite the reader to find out more about you.
Your second paragraph also needs to be improved. You don't really need to repeat the information about the MSC Finance program from the brochure or wherever you got it from the university because the reviewer is already tired of hearing about will not serve to help your application. Instead of repeating known information, use the paragraph to set up your future career plans instead. Discuss why it is important for you to complete this course. How does it relate to your future career opportunities? What particular classes or training programs at the university might be able to help you propel your career forward sooner rather than later? Establishing that you are looking forward to accomplishing a dissertation or research project is a good idea. Reviewers like to read about the way that the masters degree student hopes to shake up the already established rules of risk management. If you can bring something new to the table with your dissertation, then go for it. It will only help your application :-)
The third paragraph is somewhat of a throw away because you do not really discuss any specific academic achievements or classes that resulted in something of note on your part. Instead of keeping that part, why don't we just concentrate the essay on your academic ability to accurately research, analyze, and resolve financial situations based upon your related activities? That covers a far more important academic aspect of your studies, the actual implementation of the academic theories you learned in school. You can use the part about the research you performed at Anxin Town. Definitely retain the information about the time when the professor asked you to join his project team. When combined with the Anxin Town research that you did, the image of you as a future game changer in the world of risk management becomes clearer.
Please consider skipping the mention of your volunteer activities that do not relate to your interest in Finance. Those aspects of your civic life need to be related in a more appropriate prompt. This prompt is solely for related academic, professional, and future goals discussion. So you can delete the parts about your volunteer activities at Sanmen High School.
