"I cried as the sea waves washed away my sand castle. 21 years later, an architect admired the sea!"

Hello All,
I am new here. I am from India and graduated with one year experience. I got to know this awesome website. Please help me with my motivation letter for Masters in Architecture programme in Europe. The two parts are

1. Personal History
2. reasons for applying(not yet started)
Personal History:
I have almost finalized my personal history after several of drafts and tried to be as specific and interesting as possible.
I want help regarding the cut shortage of the personal history (as I think its too much) + I need some help with the grammar and humor .

(The maximum word limit is 1200 words, but that is including the 2nd part: So that leaves personal history with maybe 600-700 words) (Also , it would be reat help, if you could suggest how to fit personal history and reasons for applying in one or one n half page!)

Here below:

"I cried as the sea waves washed away my sand castle. 21 years later, an architect thanked the sea!"

After 6 years of an extraordinary ride in architectural education, I have realized that it has never failed to stupefy me with its momentum and diversity, bridging my interests and the strongest aspects of my strengths: an eagerness for creativity, and tryst for managing and solving complex practical issues.

I have always been mesmerized by design in any form and am very calm when I am being creative. My earliest memories of arts were creating sandcastles and cardboard sculptures. Though, my first experience with architecture was negative, when I felt the coldest and scared at National Museum, Delhi. On the contrary I also find it to be a perfect synthesis of aesthetic beauty of simplicity and intuitive function. After graduation and a yearlong practical experience, I stand a firm faith to dedicate my career to this astonishing field. A creative child at 10 was still part of an adult at 24 who believed that architectural language can be expressed by atmosphere, flow, transparency, obliqueness and even harshness.

What I unthreaded is that, architecture is a creatively impulsed multi-discipline, which combines technology and art rather than choose one or another. It unleashes one's thinking ability and can be translated through any medium. The design concepts, in my immature mind, began to take precedence in most sensory and concrete forms. As I set for an art of embracing serendipitous events along the way, I can now tell that to feel proud of your own, idiosyncratic work is far more satisfying than any mark.

What architecture nourished me with is the collaborative process of modeling, from pre-supposed monotony to meaningful practicality. Initially, I struggled pulling off the new "design" language and intense studio hours. Meanwhile, subjects like Biology heightened my urge for design; how vast the spaces are and still details are most crucial, just like "cell". Studying Architectural graphics, Structures & Construction techniques, I realized everything contributes uniquely to a building's perception. I slowly learned to anticipate the spaces in terms of their proportion, scale and planning. Axonometric and perspectives taught me how to give large space a magnified experience. Nave of "Westminister Abbey, London" imparted an impression that architecture needs "natural biology" for its structure as a visible force and "technology" to make it simple and efficient.

From third year, I began to adopt an exceptional design process to stimulate creativity. The design task was to design a music center in a public park, Mumbai. Recalling my professor words, "Form follows feelings and design as if you got a bunch of empty ideas ready for chemical engagement with site." Just how music is discriminating but natural, its center evolved as a structure enhancing public park by connecting to ground on its extreme points. The form is built in a way that it stubbornly suits that one site and placing it on another would only do injustice. This would achieve the desired topographical design features just as the site which would further create concrete solutions.

Not once did I felt heavy dutiful obligation to follow three year structural engineering courses in detail. Costing estimate induced a sensory experience of cost control that an architect must possess at every stage. Building services and foundation engineering were the courses where I had bad experiences and I thought I was done but coming back with patience, what a garden! Life became further stimulating and architecture more complex when subjects like high-tech buildings hit. Recalling Tjibaou Cultural center by Renzo Piano, what strikes me the most was not the wild but the subtleness of iroko wood, glass & aluminum blend. It stressed me not to look for lightening but the tiny ways the high-tech can change user-perspective.

In my final thesis semester, I found myself ardently enthused towards Campus planning and design. The process involved in-depth ethnographic research from different perspective people due to which I learnt to form a humanized. Through rigorous case studies, phased planning and transport networks, an urban pattern was created based on hierarchy of open spaces linked by well-thought shaded pedestrian pathways. By bringing unexpected agendas, I re-ordered the traditional logic and presented an unnatural value, on which jury comments were; your design is "annoyingly" positive & optimistic than "destructively" negative and hateful.

Besides academics, I was thoroughly involved in documentation of conservation sites in NASA(national association for students of architecture) from 2011 to 2014 during my bachelors. The noticeable projects were Nagaur fort, India. Architecture responsive to water bodies in India is very unique contribution to the world. The 40 acre site with 16 water bodies, 3 stpwells, 100 hundred fountains and 18 courtyards were documented intricatively by hands to conserve the complex as a physical ensemble. I learned fort's energy to re-establish the hot climatic principles and building's water cooled system redistributing running water through aquaducts, and channels. Water has achieved a vector quality and is defining the fort architecture a delightful experience. This 4 months exhaustive journey gave me a deeper comprehend that architecture is a part of many cultures and centuries and dig deeper to extract what I can from history and apply it to the present.

In order to apply the knowledge I gained from around-the-clock academic environment, I signed up for many internship during studies. With momentum, it is difficult to stop, while without it, it is difficult to start. My first internship momentum began as a draftsman and there was no stopping from there. Soon, I was hired by Atkins and Stantec to work as a trainee design architect. I noticed a shift in my life as now; my decisions are based more on curiorsity than fear and became a parcel of my existence. The months spent in internships are the reason that I am now proficient in software's diversity. Projects like Bluewaters and River front urban development taught me not to focus on fixed results as they will deny any opportunity to discover the unexpected. The six internships created a bottomless hole of desire which could never be satisfied with anything, it produces great experience and still wonder why it is not extraordinary!

In order to discover parallel dimensions, I spent a year gaining expertise in Building information modeling (BIM) industry from pushing Revit boundaries to exploring Navisworks and Bentley Micro station. I thrived and was chosen to join a BIM company named V-construct. For a year, I was involved on core modeling of international projects and multi-disciplinary coordination to ensure smooth delivery. New to the concept of geometry interference detection and material estimate calculation, I studied its intricacies in depth and made myself accustomed to the technology. My scope included high fidelity BIM such as MEP Systems, Site topography, utilities and infrastructure. The most interesting part was to develop 4D animation using synchro and 3ds max to analyze construction activity in actual time. My stint in BIM field has given me exposure to the corporate structure and professionalism. Being a BIM Architect help me understand how a structure is layered and functions to provide a solution to the clients. I also learned project management as I am self-aware that architects needed to be better managers. Heavily impressed by performance architecture and sustainability, I gained LEED GA credential recently. I learned that design isn't separate from sustainability- it is a key to it and "architecture is an art" is the biggest myth. 80% of the building impact is determined by earliest designs : location, massing, orientation. Admiring KFW Westerkade, Frankfurt, I learned that sustainable could be as elegant when form and performance merge. My aim continues to connect architecture, technology and sustainability overcoming urgent climatic issues, which, too often, hinder the betterment of our environment.

Hi. You are on the right way. Keep writing in this form. Your story is very interesting.

Chanchal, it would be best if you tried to tie in your personal interest in architecture with your personal history. Don't start from the age of 10 though. That would not really be the best age to start off a motivational letter. Hold on... Let me start from the beginning. It is important that you know how to adjust the letter because right now, you have an autobiography instead of the makings of a personal motivation letter.

When one speaks of the motivation to do something, such as study an MS in architecture in this case, the reasons for that have to start from within. Normally, it is because you feel like something is lacking in your education. That even with the year long experience you have in the professional world, you know that there is still more for you to learn. So your personal history should reflect the specific interest that you wish to pursue in relation to architecture. What motivated you to become an architect in the first place? Talk about that, then discuss how it relates to your current interests in architecture. Don't overboard the way you are doing now. How can I put it? Okay, try to write the essay this way.

You have 2 pages to complete your essay with right? So that means 2 topics on 2 pages would be 600 words each. So, if you were to use single spacing for the essay, you can dedicate a single page of 600 words per topic. I would not try to blend the personal history with your reason for applying. Write them as 2 separate essays for now. That way, you can offer a complete word count for every topic and fully develop your thoughts. Once you have fully developed both essays. You can begin working on taking various parts and combining them in order to create a new, more inter-related essay that will deliver a personal feel for both the history and the reasons for applying.

As far as I am concerned, you are not at the point where you should be thinking about editing the essay yet. That is because all you have is the first part. It is easier to edit the essay once you have written both parts. We have more room to play around in in terms of merging the two prompt topics. Is there any chance you can complete both essays first and then post them here so that we can have a more solid understanding of what you wish to present in the letter? I believe we can all work best that way.

@Holt
many many thanks for the suggestions. I have followed your path.. and here is my second part: (reasons for applying)Would you please help how can I intermingle the two parts of the essay and how to fix it on maximum of 2 pages.. because its coming out to be too long. especially the personal history. i got your point .. not to start from the beginning:) let me know:

Below is the 2nd part:reasons for applying - you need to start a new thread for this new one.

@Holt

Here are the two parts that you suggested to write before blending. Right now, my passage is too long and it doesn't flow very smoothly. can you or anyone please help me with that. I am trying to cut short my personal history and not start from a childhood age. Meanwhile, I have finalized my part 2. Kindly have a look.

Part 2 : reasons for applying

The MA Architecture programme at Greg Lynn studio is an iridescent opportunity to engage in a world class education of dynamic design & technology. To lift challenging possibilities to an even higher level; where architecture cannot be just limited to multifaceted ubiquitous technology but rather a "delving" into it. Impressed by three years duration, learning at -- would be entering into a world where contemporary innovations are re-formulated using latest technologies as a virtual & physical medium, beyond the evolution of our imagination vaguely known to me now. I am also intrigued by the involvement of workshops, especially robotics in woodcrafts, and how KUKA can diversify the interaction with material fabrications, enabling humans to transcend the limitations of their physical selves. I never had the opportunity to perform them myself. I can learn a lot from this comprehensive knowledge and weave out exceptional design characters in my projects. I have a deep enthusiasm for semester-focused agendas in --, which puts in a great deal of efforts for evolving potentials beyond the limit of, a constant discovery. My interests also lie in understanding how parametric design has reconfigured our buildings to act smarter & safer, which to me, is an absolute necessity. It, so profoundly reflects my philosophy of creativity in evolution and evolution in creativity. It would be a privilege to interact with likeminded people who acknowledge digitalism in architecture aids design process, in order to achieve coexistence. This technologically advanced and socially diverse community will nurture intelligent architecture to form a stimulating design style, which I must say, is the future. Presenting a unique studio lifestyle and vigor of architecture, it is of no surprise that I am biased towards this culture. I find Studio Lynn, diewangdte as the best place for practicing my interests as an architect and as a person. India still lacks the advancement in performance architecture and the future of accelerating urban population habitat is not thought through. I certainly feel that smart architecture can solve population, land and terrorism issues and I, truly, want to be a part of that era. I am ardently enthused to learn every aspect of technology in architecture at --, with an aim to establish such scenario in Indian colleges; so that no one with potential is left out due to lack of resources, like in the case of many Indian students. I believe in free border-less transfer of knowledge and the pedagogy behind it. This Master's programme ensures full flow of woven knowledge through many arenas of architecture, which will uplift my goals. Also, I feel that diewangdte community will benefit from the culture diversity that I will bring in and skills that I have developed throughout my career.

Even after a yearlong experience in an up-bringing field, BIM faceted architecture; I sense that profession has the ability to make a lot more contribution in overcoming known and the unknown issues. A crucial need for better insight & better education is the key for it. Studying at - will further solidify my interests in contributing to an upcoming change whilst I will be proud to make my own contribution to this immense educational community.

I would love to merge disciplines in architecture and work beyond boundaries, so finding the best design fit among so many possibilities excites me.

Chanchal, your personal history is more of a an autobiography instead of a simple statement about how your interest in architecture developed. Remove paragraphs 2 and 3 because these are the thoughts of a 10 year old child which will not be believable to the reviewer. That sort of mindset would be best represented in a 15 year old. So its removal will help to shorten the length of your essay. It will also lessen the irrelevant content of your statement. Remove the references to academics. That should be saved for a more definitive prompt. That is not part of the personal experience. The internship helped to build your interest so you can retain that portion. The last paragraph of the personal portion is also relevant and should remain.

For the second part, I do not understand why you wrote something so extensive when the purpose for your application could have been much shorter. Just make sure to represent the reason why you feel the need to pursue higher studies and where you hope the higher studies can take your career in the future.

Revise the essay using the above suggestions and you should have an essay that will fit on a page and a half. It should also flow more smoothly and allow for a proper transition between the two topics. Make sure that you have a transition paragraph from the first part going into the second so that the reader will know exactly when the topic will change in terms of discussion.

@Holt
I apologize for late reply. i have come up with full essay for 1000 words, and would like every contributor here to review it. Kindly see and tell if its ok?Here below:

"Had my goal always been architecture, how did I know?" Architecture, for me, is a domain of creatively impulse momentum that coexists with diversity, design & technology. My advent into architecture cannot be defined under one circumstance but rather a "delving" into it. It bridges my interests and strongest aspects of my strengths: an eagerness for creativity and a tryst for solving complex issues.

From a young age, I was mesmerized by anthropometrical design and its analogy; starting from drawing perspectives, cardboard models and sandcastles to questioning each corner of my home "how can I make it better". Father's transferable jobs led me to every corner in India where I was revealed to diverse architectural icons and found it to be a perfect synthesis of aestheticism and intuitive functions. I learned that architectural language can be expressed by atmosphere, flow, transparency, obliqueness and even harshness. This got further nurtured by my exposure to construction process when our house underwent major renovations. The bliss I felt when my parents asked me about design suggestions, if only humorously, captured me into a dream of having a creative life. With utmost dedication, I opted for architectural studies.

If only I knew, Architecture could not be taught, rather it embeds an impregnable influence on oneself. Being a technological institute, IIT Roorkee showcased wide attention to applied machinery besides theoretical art. It is no wonder that the inter-departmental courses nourished me with the integration of strong designs and technology rather than choosing one over the other, hence abundantly magnifying my beliefs in creativity in digitalism. The wood-crafting, machinery & design workshops stressed me not to look for lightening but the tiny ways they can change user-perspective. This fundamentalism bagged me many internships outside formal education which spoke of this relation directly in terms of contemporary designs whilst revitalizing sustainability and technology; hence establishing an enriching experience for both user and designer.

Volunteering in a sustainability practice group at Auroville, India, I wondered if we could eliminate construction disasters by performing building models in virtual time, which to me, is also a facet of sustainability, further crystallizing my interests in performance architecture and virtual modeling. This encouraged me to gain a yearlong expertise in Building Information modeling (BIM) industry after graduation; where I was involved in core building modeling, high fidelity BIM and producing 4D animation to analyze construction activity in actual time. New to the concept of geometry interference detection, I studied its intricacies in depth and made myself accustomed to the technology. Due to my heightened interests, I was accredited with LEED Green Associate credential recently. I understood design isn't separate from sustainability- it is a key to it; as 80% of the building impact is determined by its earliest concepts. Admiring KFW Westerkade in Frankfurt, I realized sustainable could also be as elegant when form and performance merge. This way, my aim continued to weave architecture, technology and sustainability aspects to overcome renowned issues, for instance, land scarcity, crime and terrorism, which, too often, hinder the betterment of our environment.

However, the current knowledge I mastered catered less to the scope this industry possesses. Even after a yearlong experience, I still couldn't figure out an ever-rising question; how are we, architects, contributing to solve world issues? A crucial need for better insight & education is the key. The MA Architecture program at Greg Lynn studio is an iridescent opportunity to engage in a world class education of dynamic design & technology. Learning here would help uplift the challenging possibilities of re-configuring our buildings to act smarter & safer. It, so profoundly reflects my ideology of creativity in digitalism and vice-versa. The idea of "machine vision" is very intriguing to me as it displays architecture cannot be just limited to multifaceted ubiquitous technology, rather a "growing" beyond the evolution of our imaginations vaguely known to me. I also show a deep enthusiasm for workshops curriculum where robotics diversify the interaction with material fabrications, enabling humans to transcend the limitations of their physical selves. Never had this opportunity before, I can now learn a lot from this comprehensive knowledge and weave out exceptional design characters in my projects. Forward-thinking attitude & technologically advanced community to form a stimulating design style; it is of no surprise that I am biased towards this culture. I find Studio Lynn, a place to merge disciplines and work beyond potential; so learning under the aura of excellent mentor-ship excites me. It would also be a privilege to interact with likeminded people who acknowledge automation aids design process, in order to achieve coherence.

My hypothetical thesis project will focus on overcoming the plight of humankind by developing transnational anti-terrorism architecture, if to say "defensive-intelligent-architecture". Though some urban projects do display an appetite for anti-terror design within cities but what about borders? How can smart architecture lively help in phasing out cross-border crimes or is it even a possibility? Since terrorism is a modern war, it's high time we recognize that encountering via forts and castles would soon be less efficient. I have been doing my personal research and felt the need for anti-terror architecture across borders. Analyzing for example, World War II mega-structures that Nazis built to defend Germany still stands today as a testament to defensive architecture. What if we merge two major disciplines, "intelligent" & "defensive" architecture of past to a certain extent and explore possibilities underground for safety and on-ground for defense. Can we as architects build, for instance, intelligent mega-bunkers that sense any upcoming invasion fleet so that we are better prepared, besides just watch towers? As a new interpretation for border sustainability, I intend to create intelligent-defensive architecture, if to say, which could accomplish the purpose of safety, living and defense, all at once.

Though a proud national, this arena of architecture hasn't been much of advancement in India, which is in a state-of-violence-border country. The goal is to indulge my field into contributing to solve these issues, if not fully. It is clear to me that a proper inspirational education will provide me more comprehensive approach to design process. I am ardently enthused to learn every aspect of technology within which architecture correlates, with an aim to establish such scenario in Indian colleges; so that no one with potential is left out due to lack of resources, like in the case of many Indian students. I believe in free border-less transfer of knowledge and the pedagogy behind it. My respect for this Master's program is immense as it ensures full flow of woven knowledge through flexible arenas and advanced technology, which will wing out exceptional design approach, hence seconding my future goals. Also, I feel that diewangdte community will benefit from the culture diversity that I will bring in and skills I developed throughout my career. Studying in a gorgeous city like Vienna will further support my creativity and solidify my interests in contributing to upcoming issues whilst making my own contribution to this immense educational community.