Hi,
I am in need of some review for my SOP. I would really appreciate your feedback on the essay. I have attached the essay below.
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My deepest passion has always been research, and I would like to follow that passion by pursuing a PhD at XYZ University. I believe the opportunities at XYZ University will fulfill my desires to learning from and collaborate with great professors.
My family has a deep scientific background as both of my parents are professors of physics, and my brother has recently completed his doctorate studies in biology. This heavily influenced my academic interests during my high school years, and is the reason I chose to study chemical and biological engineering at the University of ABC. I plan to graduate in August of 2012, and my believe my research experience during my undergraduate years has fully prepared me for my graduate studies.
Direct after high school I began working in a physics laboratory, where I developed many hands on skills by designing and creating circuit boards. I continued in an agricultural laboratory, where I assisted both in the lab and in the field. In the field I helped run several experiment simultaneously, and in the lab I then analyzed samples and results. Some experiments included tracking nitrogen emission from fertilizer to crop and atmosphere, and examining pollution content of run-off water from fields. This experience opened up the idea of the interrelationship of sciences to me. In the field there are countless variables to account for, and many of the variables require thinking outside of one's standard discipline.
For two years I assisted a chemical and biological engineering graduate student in the JKL Lab at the University of ABC. Here my work focused on the differentiation of hESC into cardiomyocytes. The main idea we examined was the influence of a 3D porous scaffold, created from PDMS, on cell growth and differentiation. We measured gene expression and cell beating to quantify and analyze our results. Other experiments involved using different growth factors to promote differentiation. I am trained in several biochemical techniques including PCR, RT, mRNA extraction, gel electrophoresis, cell culturing and cell seeding. At the end of each semester, I presented my findings at group meetings. The time I spent at JKL lab taught me what to expect in graduate school, and will help the transition into my own graduate studies.
I have recently begun a position at the Water Sciences Engineering center at ABC university where I am examining mercury release from coal power plants. I make critical decisions concerning the project, and work mainly independently. I am on a hiatus from the position as I conducted an internship for BASF in polymer research, and am currently studying abroad in Budapest, Hungary.
Nature is the greatest resource, and I believe the best way to protect that resource is a proper solution to our energy crisis. There are many sources of alternative energy, but unfortunately there does not exist a single source that has the practical capability to quench our energy demand. For this reason, I would like to continue my studies at XYZ University and conduct research in the Energy section of the chemical engineering department.
Enrolling in a graduate program is a big commitment, and requires consistent effort for many years. I have described my qualification, and I personally prepared and excited to begin my graduate studies. I wish to make a follow a career in research, and starting it in the graduate program at XYZ university would be thrilling. I hope you find my credentials up to par, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
and I believe...
several experiments simultaneously...
Some experiments include tracking...
standard disciplines .
I assisted a chemical and biological engineering graduate student in the JKL Lab at the University of ABC for two years, where I focused ...
help contribute to the transition into..
mainly independently... (sounds awkward with two 'ly's, consider rephrase this to show that you are independent, in a more humble way perhaps)
I wish to pursue a career in research...
have solid content on your work experience, but sentencing doesnt flow smoothly. Many sentences can actually be grouped to deliver the idea more effectively to readers...
also, you mention about your preparation in terms of technical capability for graduate school, but not how you develop your interest. In fact, the only reason you state for studying energy is regardingthe world crisis. perhaps talk about some other factors that spurred your interest in energy, best relate back to your past experience.
Thanks for you input khox, I agree with you review. I have made a couple changes, but there are a couple lines that I am not sure about(marked in green). Do you think these sentences should be included or not?
I changed the sentence structuring a bit, but can not find any more phrases that sound awkward. If you there is something specific can you point it out? Major changes are in blue.
I did not change "standard disciplines "
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My deepest passion is been research, and I would like to follow that passion by pursuing a PhD at *** University. I believe the opportunities at *** University will fulfill my desires to collaborate with great professors and help me achieve my career goals.
During my childhood I was generally interested with how things worked, and I experimented by trying to repair just about everything when it broke. I was often repairing my bikedue to the torture I put it through, I would sew together and patch my clothing when it ripped, and I actually enjoyed putting together IKEA furniture. Since my family has a strong scientific background, when I entered high school my academic interests were focused in the sciences. This attraction to hands on learning and my desire to conduct scientific research encouraged me to choose chemical and biological engineering for my undergraduate studies at the University of ***. I plan to graduate in August of 2012, and I believe my undergraduate research experiences have fully prepared me for my graduate studies.
Direct after high school I began working in a physics laboratory, where I developed many hands on skills by designing and creating circuit boards. I continued in an agricultural laboratory, where I assisted both in the lab and in the field. In the field I helped run several experiments simultaneously, and in the lab I then analyzed samples and results. Some experiments include tracking nitrogen emission from fertilizer to crop and atmosphere, and examining pollution content of run-off water from fields . This experience opened up the idea of the interrelationship of sciences to me. In the field there are countless variables to account for, and many of the variables require thinking outside of one's standard discipline.
I assisted a chemical and biological engineering graduate student in the ***Lab at the University of Wisconsin for two years, where I focused on the differentiation of hESC into cardiomyocytes. The main idea we examined was the influence of a 3D porous scaffold, created from PDMS, on cell growth and differentiation. We measured gene expression and cell beating to quantify and analyze our results. Other experiments involved using different growth factors to promote differentiation. I am trained in several biochemical techniques including PCR, RT, mRNA extraction, gel electrophoresis, cell culturing and cell seeding. At the end of each semester, I presented my findings at group meetings. The time I spent at ***lab taught me what to expect in graduate school, and will help contribute to the transition into my own graduate studies.
I have recently begun a position at the Water Sciences Engineering Center at *** where I am examining mercury release from coal power plants. I make critical decisions concerning the project, and often work independently. I am on a hiatus from the position as I conducted an internship for *** in polymer research, and am currently studying abroad in Budapest, Hungary.
Nature is the greatest resource, and I believe the best way to protect that resource is a proper solution to our energy problem. There are many sources of alternative energy, but unfortunately a single does not exist that has the practical capability to quench our energy demand. I personally try to live green lifestyle by mostly biking for transportation, reusing shopping bags, often buying second-hand. I am also involved in a garden plot where friends and I grow vegetables for personally use. For this reason, I would like to continue my studies at Stanford University and conduct research in the Energy section of the chemical engineering department.
Enrolling in a graduate program is a big commitment, and requires consistent effort for many years. I have described my qualification, and I am personally prepared and excited to begin my graduate studies. I wish pursue a career in research, and starting it in the graduate program at ***university would be thrilling. I hope you find my credentials up to par, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
