"electrical and computer engineering" - help in my EE SOP

Could you help me for correct my errors, and I want to make my SOP shorter.
I've tried to, but it seems still to long...
thanks a lot!

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I decide to pursue my Master of Science degree in electrical and computer engineering (ECE), and I wish to further my study to a PhD program with an emphasis in solid state physics and devices, optoelectronic devices, and photonic crystals. "General", with great reputation of providing distinguished professional trainings and rigorous research activities and resources, is my ultimate decision.

There are several important classes I took during undergraduate stimulated my desire for graduate studying. As in a chronological order, the first class inspired me should be Semiconductor Device Physics. In this class, I started to realize how semiconductors are fabricated, how they work as electronic devices, and the theories behind those amazing structures. I also took Introduction to Quantum Mechanics and Modern Physics to gain essential knowledge about electrons, photons, and semiconductors. I found myself aspiring to know more about the theories related to semiconductors and its applications. Thus, right after that semester, I took Introduction to Quantum Mechanics (II) and I started working on a National Science Council college student research project. This project gives me the greatest impact and is the most important event during my whole undergraduate life. A thorough description about my project will be provided in the next paragraph. Back to our topic, during my junior year, I almost finished every undergrad level course available in NCTU about solid state devices and physics. I had excellent performances in every course mentioned above (all got A while represent in letter grade); however, this is far from satisfying my desire for comprehensive and depth learning. Without any hesitance, I decide to give myself some challenges during my senior year --- I took 7 graduate level classes in my last year as an undergraduate student. Fully motivated, I had been studying thoroughly and diligently on each course. As a result, I not only advanced significantly but also got outstanding grades in several classes. For instance, I was ranked 2nd place in graduate level Quantum Mechanics among whole class and the grade is 92 out of 100. To sum up, I spent most of my time during undergraduate making myself well-prepared and competitive for graduate study and research.

I have established a solid sense of research through my NSC's College Student Research Project. I met Prof. Lee, who is my advisor of the project, in her modern physics class. Her areas of interests are photonic crystals and solar cells. I found that photonic crystal is an interesting and suitable research topic for me since my interests mainly focus on optoelectronic devices. At beginning, I don't even know the detailed theories behind photonic crystals, so I have to study intensively and diligently to start my research. I read Dr. Joannopoulus' text book first, then I study as many papers as possible to extent my knowledge about the research. About a month later, I constructed a sound structure for my research, and I determined my topic to be the enhancement of photon conversion efficiency. I discovered that by utilizing the band-edge mode of graphite lattice of photonic crystals, which photons travel at relatively low speed, I can prolong the interaction time between photons and the quantum wells on the substrates. In this sense, more photons can be converted into electrons through this mechanism. The experiment shows that Photoluminescence(PL) is enhanced 8-10 times on our devices in compare with bare substrate without photonic crystal patterns. Also a red-shift on spectrum is observed when we change the r/a value of our crystal patterns; this further proves that the enhancement is caused by our design of photonic crystals. I also gained many skills of doing simulation and running a fabrication process of the device. I learned how to use auto-cad to draw the patterns I want to design, and I learned how to use RSoft's simulation to examine if the design works out correctly. I also learned how to operate an e-beam lithography system to make a real device. To conduct experiments to verify our thoughts, I learned how to construct a Near-Infrared Micro-Photoluminescence system to make observation of real devices. To sum up, in this project I have learned a complete set of knowledge and skills to accomplish a research about photonic crystals.

To become a competitive graduate student and researcher, I not only have outstanding academic performance within solid state field, but also have a solid research foundation. What make me even more ready and competitive are my working experiences. After graduate from NCTU, I decide to stay one year working as a full time laboratory assistant. My responsibility is to teach undergrad students to do experiments of microelectronic circuits such as multistage amplifier of MOS and BJT. I have been assigned to teach an English class, so I have to prepare all the slides, give lecture, and guide students doing experiments in English. The experience of instructing foreign students sharpens my ability to teach and learn things well in English and makes me more compatible for T.A jobs in my PhD life. The reason I chose this job is that working in NCTU could benefit me in several ways. For example, as I work in electrical engineering department, I have the chance to get involved in research opportunity even after I was graduated. I participate in Prof. Steve Chung's lab as a part-time researcher. I have learned how to analyze the reliability of CMOS devices. I also start my own research project of a study of the variation of threshold voltage caused by effect of random dopant fluctuations (RDF). Even after graduated and started working, my training of doing research never stops.

As I learn more, my desire to make progress is stronger. I would very much like to pursue my goal at a top university where I am allowed to work more effectively and creatively. "General" is my dreaming choice, and I wish that I could have an opportunity to achieve my academic goal with "General" .

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Hope this would help you to trim down the word count;
There aresS everal important classes I took during undergraduate stimulated my desire for post- graduate studying. As in a chronological order,t The first class first inspired me should bewas "Semiconductor Device Physics". In this class, I started toIt made me realize how semiconductors are fabricated, how they work as electronic devices, and the theories behind those amazing structures. I also took Introduction to Quantum Mechanics and Modern Physics to gain essential knowledge about electrons, photons, and semiconductors. I found myself aspiring to knowFinding my thirst for learning more about the theories and applicationsofrelated to semiconductors, and its applications. Thus,right after that semester, I also took " Introduction to Quantum Mechanics (II) " and I started working on a National Science Council college student research project. This project givesgave me the greatesta greatimpactexposure and is the most important event during my wholeentire undergraduate life.

really really thanks a lot!!

A thorough description about my project will be provided in the next paragraph. Back to our topic, during my junior year, I almost finished almost every undergrad level course available inat NCTU abouton solid state devices and physics. I secured excellent grades for all these courses.had excellent performances in every course mentioned above (all got A while represent in letter grade );. Hh owever, this iswas not sufficient tofar from satisfying my desire for comprehensive and in depth learning. Without any hesitance, I decided to give myselftake up some challenges during my senior year

i really really appreciate your modification for me.

I have been working on a 2.0 version of my SOP and still there are many problems waiting to solve,

I'll post it asap, thanks !!

here comes my SOP 2.0, I am very grateful for your previous help.

could we revise this again and try to improve it ? thanks a lot!

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I would like to pursue a Master of Science degree in electrical and computer engineering (ECE) to hopes of leading my studies to a PhD program with an emphasis in either one of the three following topics: solid state physics and devices, optoelectronic devices, and photonic crystals. "General", with a great reputation of providing rigorous research activities with state-of-the-art departmental resources and guidance of distinguished faculties, is my ultimate choice.

Several important classes I took during undergraduate stimulated my desire for post-graduate studying. The class first inspired me was "Semiconductor Device Physics". It made me realize how semiconductors are fabricated, how they ...

...

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All right. Are you within the limits of required word count?

I would likewish to pursue a Master of Science degree in electrical and computer engineering (ECE). to hopesI also hope of continuingleading my studies up to a PhD program with an emphasis in either one of the three areas ;topics solid state physics and devices or optoelectronic devices, andor photonic crystals. "General", withwhich possesses a great reputation offor providing rigorous research activities with state-of-the-art departmental resources and guidance of distinguished faculties, is my ultimate most preferred choice.

Several important classessubjects (I prefer the word "subjects" more, however you can keep the sentence as it is if you dont feel comfortable with it) I took duringin my bachelor's course stimulated my desire for post-graduate studying. The class firstsubject most inspired me was "Semiconductor Device Physics". It made me realize how semiconductors are fabricated, how they work as electronic devices, and the theories behind those amazing structures. I also tookfollowed the course, "Introduction to Quantum Mechanics" and "Modern Physics" to gainacquire essential knowledge about electrons, photons, and semiconductors. Finding my thirst for learning more about the theories and applications of semiconductors, I also took studied "Introduction to Quantum Mechanics (II)" and started working on a National Science Council's college student research project. I finishedfollowed almost every undergrad level course available at NCTU for undergraduates on solid state devices and physics. I secured excellent grades for all these courses; however, this was notin sufficient to satisfy my desire for ancomprehensiveand in-depth learning of the subject. Without any hesitance, I did not hesitatedecided to take up some challenges during my senior year - taking a total of seven graduate-level classes. Fully motivated, I studied intensively and diligentlywith a keen interest on each course.As a result, not only have IThis helped advanced my knowlege significantly, but alsowhile I was able to received outstanding grades;Specially, I was ranked second highest in graduate level Quantum Mechanics with the gradescore of 92 out of 100. I am confident to say that I have spent myMy undergraduate years certainly did prepareing myself as a highly competitiveto be one of the most suitable candidates for post graduate studyies and research.

I shall help you with the rest of the essay after few hours.

This is my full version, but I have to write another 500 words version for several schools.

I want to write something more to catch reader's attention,

but I really do not know how to do that...

could you give me some directions and suggestions for that?

thanks,

From what you have written I understand your committment, experience and passion for acquiring further knowledge in your interested field. I think those are the exact points you should highlight in your writing. My advice for you is to stay focus on the idea that you want to tell the reader without trying to include every little detail that is related. When you try to be more detailed, the reader would be sometimes mis-guided or loose interest in reading. I usually adopt the style of telling my ideas in a more direct manner without being rather abstract. Your style may be different. Whatever the style may be, the ultimate goal should be to convince the reader. Also do not mix up your flow of ideas. When you start on one idea, you should finish it and then start on another. Do not bring in new ideas and go back to previous ones you were talking about. That disturbs your flow. In your second para, I noticed something like that. (You talk about your involvement with the research project and then about your gradings and again on research.)

In my previous posts I only wanted to help you trim down your essay and also polish it wherever possible. I did not want to disturb you with my recommnedations. Since you ask for my suggestions now, I would like to tell what I personally feel about your first two paras;

My suggestion for your 1st para;

I wish to pursue a Master of Science degree course in electrical and computer engineering (ECE) at your esteemed institution which possesses a great reputation for facilitating rigorous research activities with state-of-the-art departmental resources.

-----I do not see it is important that you should talk about your future plans (PHD studies) at this point since, in my view, your prime objective is get accepted by the uni for a masters degree. When you try to include such information at this point it makes your proposal a bit confusing. This is my personal view. I may be not in the right track. Get someone else also to comment on this.

My suggestion for your 2nd para;

The desire to pursue a post-graduate course in ECE was concieved in me while I followed the course "Semiconductor Device Physics" during my undergraduate years. This course made me realize how semiconductors are fabricated, how they work as electronic devices, and the theories behind those amazing structures. in addition, the courses such as "Introduction to Quantum Mechanics", "Modern Physics" and "Introduction to Quantum Mechanics" further strengthened my passion for acquiring indepth knowledge in the field of ECE. I took up the challenge of taking a total of seven graduate courses in my senior year and worked very hard with my fullest committment. As a result, not only I was able to secure excellent gradings for all these courses but also I scored 92/100 for the subject, Quantum Mechanics. Therefore I am very confident about my future committment to post graduate studies that include research activities.

-----------Here I tried to cut down your detailed version to a more consice para, ( you should include if there's anything important that has been omitted) to give you some idea. Also I tried to arrange your flow because in certain places I found your ideas were repeated.

Just come back if you are happy with my advice so that I can help you further.

Thanks for your suggestions,

in the first paragraph, I mentioned that I am going to take a phD program because that

could probably increase my chance for admission.

And I think I can use paragraph 2 and 3 to make my 500 words version.
Hope that I could trim it down more, so that I can include my working experiences
into my concise version.

It is almost deadline now, I really really appreciate your help. Thanks!