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"I will embrace today's difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world" - improve SOP



abhishek3 1 / 1  
Jan 13, 2016   #1
Hello Everyone,,
This is the final draft of the essay that I have written for my PhD in UT Dallas and do not know how captivating it is. So I would love if any further insight and improvement that can be done...I appreciate your time...thanks...

"I will embrace today's difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world. I will remember that the busier I am, the less harm I am apt to suffer, the tastier will be my food, the sweeter my sleep, and the better satisfied I will be with my place in the world. Whatever it offers; little or much, my time is now." The above stated philosophy has played an important role in the shaping of my goals and framing of my plans for my future and helping me take right decision of applying to University of Texas at Dallas. Choosing Biochemistry for advanced studies, I regard myself privileged to have strong liking in this field which is changing the concepts in medicine.

Although, I come from a town called Bhadrapur of a small landlocked Himalayan country, Nepal, situated in between China and India. I have always dreamed of traveling the world and to know about different people and share ideas. This desire for something new have led me to venture in the foreign soils to discover new culture and environment; with education system different from what I had studied in my country, Nepal. Hence, I joined the Rajiv-Gandhi University of Health Science, Bangalore, India; thousand miles away from home and completed my B.Sc. in Medical Lab. Science (2006/09) with distinction. After finishing my Bachelors in south of India I volunteered at pathology lab of Kanti-Children's Govt. Hospital, Nepal and gained some experience in the field of medical lab science and got interested in Biochemistry. Then I travelled to the Northeast part of India and pursued my Masters of Science in Medical Biochemistry (2011/14) from Maharishi Markandeshwar University, Mullana, India. Luckily, during my stay at this University, the things have shaped on the lines of my thinking. The college curriculum for this Biochemistry major is vast and touched several aspects like Molecular Biology, Biochemical techniques, Biochemistry of tissue, Metabolism, Endocrinology and inborn errors, Biostatistics, Immunochemistry, Clinical Biochemistry and Nutrition. The study at Department of Biochemistry and guidance from its esteemed professors was rewarding and laid a solid foundation in me over the subject. I have also represented my University at the National level workshops and seminar by oral and poster presentations of scientific reviews of various interests.

Similarly, excellence in any sphere of life can only be achieved through determination, hard work, preservation and dedication. After completing my M.Sc., I worked at the Biochemistry and Serology department of Samyak-Diagnostic Lab towards achieving Nepal 1st ISO 15189:2012 certification. Here I always aspired for excellence and quality but I felt the lack of in-depth knowledge of subjects which left the conceptual and practical skills incomplete. It is in this context that I would like to pursue a course by University of Texas at Dallas that will not only supplement my knowledge but will also provide a strong foundation to my study and practical field essential for my professional success.

The death of my Grandparents while I was studying a Masters with neurological disease unexplained and with so little information and treatment available to cope up with, had left me to question and ruminate about the little understanding. This led me to select a project called "The status of vitamin B12 in elderly person suffering from Dementia", where I planned a cross-sectional study with 100 elderly over 60 years (50- patient and 50-age matched control) and accessed cognitive decline in the patient by improved and revised Hindi Mental Status Examination (a questionnaire method). The aim of the study was to investigate the relationship between Serum Vitamin B12 and cognitive function in elderly. The study was conducted in Department of Biochemistry in collaboration with Department of Psychiatry and Medicine, MMIMSR, Mullana. A delayed competitive ELISA was performed to the sample withdrawn from the subjects, after taking a written consent. The results were statistically evaluated and were predictive of cognitive decline (p<0.05). I have published this outcome (Full citation in Resume). Still, I wonder what happens at the molecular level in these mechanisms and other diseases that are still doubtful and ambiguous; I would love to work on these.

So, after careful inspection of graduate programs offered by many prominent institutions, my eyes lingered on the research about molecular mechanism and mitochondrial role in Neurodegenerative diseases and Drug development of diseases supported by University of Texas at Dallas. The Graduate program is itself an integrated course with combination of different faculties to choose from and the diversity will certainly give a broader perspective to the ongoing research. Thus the splendid research facilities, the integrated course and electives, pleasing University ambience located in city Richardson of Dallas and history of the university striving for excellence are the factors which have motivated me to apply to your university. I strongly feel that the Graduate program at this prominent research institution in the United States is the right place to embark on an academic journey into the realms of Molecular Biology, Neurochemistry and Biochemistry; enabling me to mould my career to a great extent. I am confident that I will be able to cope with the rigors of an International curriculum with ease and my determination to succeed will enable me to be among the better students of your college. I would be grateful if I am offered an admission in to PhD program with possible financial support.

My country, after 20 years of civil war; is now undergoing a transition phase and heading towards a positive direction and it requires skilled and highly trained personnel for future developments. Similarly, United States of America being the top country in research and development, I feel that my education will be complete by its commitment to excellence and academic flexibility. Moreover, the diversity in the United States can also help me to learn about different cultures and work with people of different opinion and gain a new perspective about the world. The high technology and great intellectual minds will eventually help me become a better thinker and specialist in my field. Thus, after finishing my PhD, I envision myself as a faculty imparting my knowledge to the students and training other health personals. I'm excited by the prospect of life-long learning, knowing there's always more to discover. Furthermore, I see myself involved in research and contributing to the better understanding of biochemical and molecular system, if possible, by opening a much required Molecular research and diagnostic lab in my country Nepal.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 13, 2016   #2
AD, are you writing a Statement of Purpose or a Personal Statement? Those are two different things and what you have written here is definitely not a Statement of purpose or, as you put it, a SOP. Due to the confusing content and lack of focus on the essay, the paper that you wrote is nothing more than an almost average personal statement. It does not contain all of the required components of a statement of purpose. So, you can edit it for content and use it as a personal statement. It cannot be used as a statement of purpose.

In order to properly write the statement of purpose, your first paragraph should contain the purpose for your higher study. Since this is for a PhD level application, your line of reasoning should be far more academic than this essay has presented. Your dissertation topic, in relation to your purpose, and as a representative of your continued interest in researching a particular field of Biochemistry should be part of the first paragraph.

The second, should represent the thesis you performed during your MS studies including the title and result of the research you did. Who did you research with and you feel that this topic should be further studied. As a PhD student, your focus should be on further developing your thesis in preparation for updated publication if it has not been previously published. Make sure to mention any accolades that your previous thesis received or where it was published (if ever).

Your third should explain what kind of future research you plan to do at this university, whom you hope to work with. Why you feel this university can help you with this research, and how you feel you can help the university highlight its presence in this field as well. Explain the kind of researcher you hope to be by the end of your PhD course. Finally, close the essay with information about why you feel that this university choice is specifically suited to your interests, ambitions, and research direction.

There are hints of these topics in your aforementioned essay. However, it was not properly presented so would do better to just write a totally new essay using the hints I have provided above. Take the relevant parts from your previous essay and combine it with your new and improved statement of purpose.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 21, 2016   #3
Hi AD, I suggest tha tyou change up the essay little before you submit it to the Canadian university. I always caution the students against submitting the same essay to all the universities because each university has a specific requirement for their essays. Be it a statement of interest, statement of purpose, or even a personal statement, you have to make sure that you vary or change the essay a bit before you submit it. Make sure that it fits the parameters and expectations of each essay prompt that you plan to use the essay for.

It is always easier to just edit the essay before you submit it to the new university. Just make sure that the essay you have will be responsive to the prompt that you are provided with. So before you go submitting this essay to the Canadian university, make sure that it responds to the reviewer's expectations. If you are not sure if the essay applies to the requirements, you can always consult with me here. I'll always be more than happy to assist you :-)
OP abhishek3 1 / 1  
Feb 5, 2016   #4
hi Louisa, I need your help again. :-) I need to submit "Statement of Interest - one or two pages summarizing your background in Biochemistry, an explanation of why you wish to pursue graduate studies, and your future career goals". for University of Alberta. Will the previous one do?? I'll edit the name of profs and few research ideas. Will it be good???
vangiespen - / 4077  
Feb 5, 2016   #5
Hey AD ! While I normally do not advise my students to constantly submit the same essay to various universities due to the possibility of self- plagiarism, I find that I cannot stop them from doing so. So, as they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. That means, that I believe you can reuse the SOP that you wrote for use in an SOI. As you said, you will have to be willing to make some significant changes to the essay, such as the mention of the professors you would like to collaborate with and other important, highlight information.

If you won't mind, I would like you to revise the original essay in the manner that you feel will best suit the requirements of the SOI and then post it here for review. while I do not doubt that you can successfully change up the essay to make it fit the other university application, it won't hurt you to have me double check it. Who knows, after I read the prompt and your revision, maybe, just maybe, we will be able to further improve upon the content :-)


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