ERASMUS essay for program that focuses on environmental policy and planning

Hello!

I had to cover the following points in 350 words for a program that focuses on environmental policy and planning:
#origin of interest in environmental issues
#How you'll benefit from the program
#what is your future career plans
#relevant special interests.

We don't have plan B because there is no planet B

This ecosystem that we have created for ourselves with a connection so deep that every single one of us are a part of it in the most infinitesimal sense begins with the green and the blue of our planet. For me, my love for the environment began with tree; an average krishnochura (royal poinciana) tree that a younger version of me found friendship in; a tree that was cut down in order to use it for more practical reasons. Back then it seemed like there was an imbalance afoot to how human societies worked with the environment, thus started my journey towards understanding how to combat this imbalance.

The 2010s is when the world started plans that will act as the bedrock of the future. IPCC developed the fifth assessment report, the MDGs were transitioned to the SDGs, COP negotiations were on the way, among others. That was also the time I found myself transitioning into an arena of sustainability through academia and professional expertise, and in time I have found out that my path has led me to a career where I see myself as acting as a driver to sustainable development through the SDGs.

By trade, I am a researcher who is highly influenced by the concept of sustainability and how science and technology can be used to connect the dots to policy making. My multifaceted interests in technology, conservation, philosophy, literature, art and culture, gender equality and philosophy pave my way towards achieving my goals.

I am applying to this program because I believe it will aid in my specific skill development and expose me to a diverse community of like-minded individuals who are passionate about the environment and are driven towards change. I am highly interested in the research arena this program will provide me, and I would like to further my undergraduate final year thesis through this program.

I hope that you will provide me with a chance to learn from this program. In turn, I will aspire to uphold my goals, keeping in mind words from Ban Ki-Moon, "We don't have plan B because there is no planet B".

Any input is highly appreciated :)

Hi
in the first paragraph, (this) is not good i recommend (the)
the third line of your first paragraph is vague, try to clarify it more.
overall you should focus more on future career plan because you have less information about it in your essay.
your essay is good from end to start. revise it and clarify some vague points especially in the first part of your essay.
for me as a reviewer its hard to understand some points such as third line of first paragraph.
you should keep the equivalence in responding four questions that you mentioned before your essay here.
it means that give information about all four questions respond equally in 350 words.

Alavy , the whole essay is just a bunch of words that you strung together to write sentences, in order to create paragraphs, but did not consider the prompt requirements per paragraph presentation. That is why this essay does not truly represent the prompt requirements as indicated in the original instructions. You have to revise the essay to create a more reflective response.

For instance, as child who found a sense of "friendship" with a tree doesn't really represent the origin of your interest in environmental issues. The interest in such a serious issue should have happened somewhere in between high school and college. That is because the development of this interest should have happened gradually and found it being strengthened over time. There is no representation of that in the essay.

You are trying to dazzle the reviewer with your knowledge of current events in relation to global warming because you have very little to no relevant (to the prompt) discussions in this essay. It is weak and does not stand a chance of further consideration because of how you presented your responses. What benefits do you have that will relate to your future career plans? What special environmental interests do you have? We are not talking about your trade here. We are speaking of extra curricular activities that relate to your career interests.

You need to revise this essay by writing a new one. In order to make sure that you will manage to respond to each prompt appropriately, I strongly recommend that you first list the prompt down, then write a response underneath. After you have responded to each prompt individually, you can double check to make sure that you properly responded to the prompt. If you think you responded correctly and did a good job at it, then you can combine the separate paragraphs into a complete essay. Just remember to add transition sentences at the end of each paragraph in order to create a continuous discussion feel to it.

@naseernasrati Thank you for your input! :)

@Holt Thanks for the suggestion, I revised the essay, could you please comment on this?

I did not stumble on to a career in environmental sustainability in the most conventional manner. For starters, my relationship with my undergraduate study as a Chemical Engineer was starting off as a forlorn affair. But in my second year of studies I channeled my love for the environment and took a course on sustainable processing and I was immediately exposed to the world of sustainability. From that point onward, my journey began on understanding how human societies worked with the environment, and how there is an imbalance afoot in this interaction.

The 2010s is the decade that will be known as the one when the world makes plans that act as a bedrock of the future. The influence of policies (such as the SDGs transitioning from MDGs) have such a huge impact worldwide, that issues related to the environment has become a major focal point in Bangladesh. After graduation I found myself contributing to this new development of the country and in time I have found out that my path has led me to a career where I see myself as acting as a driver to sustainable development, preferably as a researcher focusing in environmental sustainability.

I am highly influenced by the concept of sustainable development and how science and technology can be used to connect the dots to policy making. [...]